


Of Heart and Soul

by Koneko713



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Sibling Incest, Soul Bond, mentioned Bilbo/Thorin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 18:21:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koneko713/pseuds/Koneko713
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every dwarf has a destined Soulmate, whose name is Marked on their skin.  Finding your Mate is meant to be the happiest time of a dwarf's life, but for some it isn't so easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because Soulmate AUs are trite and cliche and I love them far more than is healthy. And this plot bunny had me by the metaphorical balls, so...(this also has emphasized the fact that I royally suck at summaries.)
> 
> As always, many thanks to my [beta](http://ashesonmytomatoes.tumblr.com) for not only putting up with my writing and listening to my occasionally truly strange ideas but also being willing to edit fics that aren't her favorite pairing.

“What do you _mean_ Men don’t have Mates?” Fili demanded loudly, peering around his mother’s leg at the woman whose bare wrist had prompted the question.

Dis shot an apologetic grin at her customer, shushing her impetuous offspring and shooing him into the back room.  He waited impatiently for her to return, and insistently repeated his question as soon as she stuck her head through the door.  She sighed, sitting down on a stool in the corner, lifting her golden-haired son into her lap.

“Humans don’t have Mates, no,” she said seriously, and Fili looked up at her with wide eyes.  “They have to find someone they wish to spend their lives with without the help of a name.”

She twisted her left wrist, displaying his father’s name in clear, bright blue lettering on the underside.  “We dwarves are lucky.  Each of us has the name of our future Mate on their wrist from the time the younger one is born, when both Mates are in the world together.”

Fili rolled his eyes.  “Mo- _ther_.”  He knew that already, and had just wanted a simple answer to his question. 

Dis smiled, turning his wrist up and pointing at the smooth, unmarked skin there.  “You’ll be more interested when the name of your Mate appears, I promise,” she said, tapping his nose teasingly.  The young dwarf frowned, but didn’t comment.

Truth be told, he was slightly concerned by his still-blank wrist.  He was almost five years old, after all, and he wasn’t sure he liked the idea of being that much older than his Soulmate.  To him, five years was a lifetime.  How could he possibly have anything in common with someone that much younger than he was?

Better than having no Mate at all, though.  He shuddered at the thought, hopping down from his mother’s lap and leading the way back into the main room of the shop.

***

As it happened, Fili’s wish was answered that summer.

The birth of his younger brother was long, and harder than expected, and Fili spent a full night and day shut in his room.  He obediently ate what was brought to him but otherwise curled on his bed, fingers stuffed in his ears to muffle his mother’s screams.

Around sunset of the second day they finally stopped, and an hour later his father came to fetch him.  He found Fili sitting on the bed, shaking a bit with nerves, hands folded tensely in his lap.

“You have a younger brother,” he told his son, picking him up and setting him on his shoulders.  “Would you like to meet him?”

Fili nodded enthusiastically, clamping his left hand in hair as thick and golden-blond as his own.  The other hand stayed firmly wrapped around his own wrist.

His father was too relieved and overjoyed to notice the strange behaviour, and when they entered his parent’s bedchamber his mother looked up with a weary smile on her face.  She held a small, red-and-dark bundle to her chest, and Fili waited for his father to lift him down before he craned to look at the baby’s face.

“He’ll have the dark hair from your family,” he heard his father comment, and his mother’s grunt of agreement.  He felt as though his tongue was too big for his mouth, and would trip if he said anything. 

At last he forced out “What are you going to name him?”

Dis smiled.  “Kili.  Fili and Kili.  Our two perfect princes.”

She reached out to pull him into a one-armed embrace, but Fili stepped back out of her reach.  Slowly he uncovered his wrist and held it up.  There, in stark black letters, was the name ‘Kili’.  Quickly, even as they watched, the half-inch high lettering faded from black to a bright, cheerful canary yellow.

Before it had finished Dis was turning her other son’s arm to look.  Still completing the fade, but in a clear matching shade of yellow was ‘Fili’.

***

Fili found himself unceremoniously ejected from the room as his parents discussed this new development.  He sat down with his back to the door, listening to the rapid gutteral sounds of frantic Khuzdul, and fingering the name etched into his flesh.  It felt hotter than the skin around it, and smarted a little when he touched it.

His brother.  His Mate was his brother.

He couldn’t quite grasp why that was such a bad thing, but his parents’ reactions made it clear that they thought it was.

The door opened, his father emerged, and he looked up questioningly.  “What—“ he began, before he found himself picked up roughly around the middle, dropped on the floor of his own bedroom, and the door slammed behind him, hard.

Fili sat up, staring at the door, tears starting up in his eyes.

_What did I do wrong?_

He stood and clambered onto his bed, tracing his brother’s name on his wrist with one finger.

 _It’ll be okay,_ he swore silently.  _It’ll all be okay.  I promise, Kili._

***

The next morning he was allowed out of his room by his apologetic father.  He never did find out what all the fuss had been about, though he did learn that his parents had gone to the eldest dwarves of the settlement. 

His father very seriously explained to Fili that while Mates were only very rarely close relatives, it did happen.  And those Bonds were just as deep as any others, though they usually remained the yellow of platonic Mates.

Fili nodded solemnly, shooting impatient glances toward the table that held his breakfast.  Why did all of this matter so much?  He was Kili’s Mate, and Kili was his.  Already there was some part of him that felt more complete, like something he’d been missing his entire life had suddenly clicked into place.

What could be so wrong about that?

***

Over the next few years Kili grew from a shapeless, red-skinned, scrunch-faced bundle into a bright-eyed dwarf toddler, all big brown eyes and dark curls.  Customers in their parents’ small bakeshop cooed constantly over the vibrant colour of his Mark, since such a bright hue usually denoted a Bond of unusual strength.

Fili listened to those comments and puffed out his chest with pride.

“Did you hear that, Kili?” he whispered to his brother as the infant was deposited back on his blanket on the floor.  “You and I are something special, we are.”

Kili laughed a delighted baby-laugh, and tried to stick a drool-soaked thumb up Fili’s nose.

As they grew older, and the colour of their Marks showed no signs of fading or changing, their parents relaxed marginally.  As Dis had predicted, with the appearance of his own Mark, Fili’s reluctance to learn about this peculiarity of dwarves vanished.

It was tradition for adult dwarves to cover their Marks, with metal cuffs or cloth armbands.  Nowadays most didn’t bother, but wore their Marks proudly in the open.  Fili thought this made more sense.  After all, if you hadn’t found your Mate, wouldn’t you want to be able to see your name on their wrist?  Usually a Bonded pair only covered their wrists if they were ashamed of the Bond for some reason, and that was rare.

He knew that the colour of the Mark showed the nature of the Bond, and the vibrancy or depth its intensity.  Black lettering showed that the two Mates had never met.  Yellow was for Bonds between friends, nothing more, and all Bonds between children were yellow.  Green was for a romantic relationship, blue—well, his mother was very reluctant to explain that one.

He did notice that every couple that had children had a blue bond, and when his mother eventually explained where young dwarflings came from it didn’t take much to put two and two together. 

After one half of a pair died, the Mark of the remaining dwarf would fade to a dark grey.

Once a woman came into his parents’ shop who mystified and frightened Fili.  Her hair and thin beard were greasy and straggling, as though she hadn’t cared for it in years, and her eyes were sunken and had a slightly haunted look. 

Fili grabbed his brother, clumsily carrying the baby into the back room and peering cautiously around the door.  His mother treated the woman like any other customer, though Fili could see a strange kind of sadness in her eyes.  When the woman handed over her payment he caught a glimpse of something stark bloody red on her wrist. 

After she left he crept out to ask, “What was wrong with her?”

Dis turned sad eyes on him, and knelt to hug her son tightly.  “Her Bond was broken, years ago.”  She whispered, and he shivered at the low horror in his mother’s voice.  And he glanced over his shoulder at Kili, who was sitting under a table, gnawing on a wooden toy horse, eyes unfocused with concentration.

He pulled away from his mother and ran to embrace his brother.  “Don’t worry, Kili,” he whispered.  “That won’t ever happen to us.  Not ever.”

Kili’s gaze drifted to him and he waved the damp plaything in his direction, as if inviting him to share in the treat.  Fili giggled, pulling his brother into his arms, refusing to let him go even as he wriggled.

***

No one was surprised when Kili’s first word was “Fee”, though Fili’s indignation at the nickname meant that his vocabulary expanded fairly rapidly.  Of course, that didn’t stop Kili from uttering a plaintive “Fee?” whenever he wanted something.

And whatever it was, from a portion of Fili’s dessert to a turn with one of his brother’s toys, he got it.  His parents constantly warned him against spoiling the younger boy, but Fili couldn’t resist those wide brown eyes.

Their Bond strengthened day by day.  Very soon they could tell, at least roughly, where the other was, even if they were out of sight.  One day their mother, driven to the end of her wits, confined Kili inside their small house while ordering Fili to stay _outside_.  A few hours later she found them playing catch through an open window, despite the fact that neither was tall enough to see over the sill.

They also picked up one of the more subtle aspects of an adult Bond.  They couldn’t read each other’s thoughts, but strong emotions would make it through their Bond quite clearly. 

When Kili tripped and skinned his knee, Fili was at his side before his parents even heard his cries.  When an older dwarf knocked Fili down, teasing him about having his brother for his Mate, Kili showed up within minutes, ready to tear into whoever had hurt his brother.

Very early on, Kili proved to be prone to nightmares, something his brother had never had much trouble with.  It soon became commonplace for Fili to awaken in a cold sweat, irrationally terrified just by the overflow from his brother.  It always took him a few moments to process what was happening, but he soon discovered he could sooth the nightmares by relaxing himself, letting the calm feed back into Kili.  Eventually he was good enough at it that he could sense when Kili had only started on an unpleasant dream, and could get him out of it before it even began.

***

Individually the brothers would have been trouble, by their very natures. 

Once they learned to exploit their Bond they were unholy terrors.

The other dwarves of the mountain halls soon grew accustomed to the pair careening through the town, moving together and apart with utter surety.  They pulled down laundry, knocked over market goods, and frightened livestock.

They soon learned to set up pranks without any audible signal.  Usually smiling, social Kili would be the distraction, engaging the target in conversation.  Fili would carry out the prank, from tying ponies' tails together to snatching food.  Giddy fear that wasn’t his jolting through his limbs was all the signal he needed, and he would be off before the irate dwarf could catch him. 

They made off with pastries and candies with increasing frequency, escaping beyond the walls of the town and out of reach of their annoyed victims.  Proximity gave them confidence, and they explored the forest directly outside their settlement more thoroughly than anyone else had.  They soon developed a home base, a small clearing beside a stream where they could share their loot, wash incriminating sticky hands, and hide from chores and lessons.

Of course these near daily raids stopped after they were caught, and hauled by their ears before their parents.  Their father delivered a stern lecture, and they lost their rights to desserts for months, but worst of all was their mother's quiet disappointment.  They behaved for a while after that, though after a couple months they resumed their occasional sweets-heist.

When accompanied by their mother, however, they were always perfect models of good behaviour.  The older, blond one stayed faithfully at his mother’s side, eyes tracking his brother’s every move.  The younger brother was all smiles and breathless laughter, running up to greet each person they encountered.  He would raise his wrist, displaying the vibrant Mark, and point over his shoulder.

“That’s Fili.  That’s my brother.  And he’s perfect!”

The other dwarves smiled indulgently, occasionally shooting confused looks at Dis.  She ignored them.  Yes, her sons were Mates, and no, that wasn’t normal, but no one who really knew them could help being jealous of their Bond.

When Fili asked why people looked at him oddly sometimes, she told him not to worry about it.  “After all, you have Kili.  Just know that you’re lucky that you have a Mate who loves you so very much.”

The brothers absolutely doted on each other, to the point that they tended to shut out the rest of the world.  One thing that could drag them out of their little self-enclosed universe was the occasional visit from their uncle.

Thorin didn’t turn up often, but when he did he always brought the best gifts and told the best stories.  He was the one who got them started on weapons training with the guards when they were in their twenties, over Dis’s protests.  Fili quickly discovered a talent for the various weapons, and the training made him happier than anything other than his brother ever had.

One odd thing about Thorin was his blank wrist.  He was older than their mother, more than a hundred now, but his skin was still unMarked.  Kili asked him quite rudely why that was, and he smiled and ruffled his nephew’s hair.  “I guess there just isn’t anyone out there for me,” he said, though Fili could see the pain in his expression.

The next time they saw him Kili was 28 and Fili 33.  Thorin turned up during one of their training sessions, and they both dropped their weapons to run to him.  In the tangle of hugs and kisses Kili shouted out “Uncle has his Mark!  Uncle has a Mate!”

Sure enough, black letters were visible on Thorin’s wrist, and he patiently allowed Kili to drag his arm around to read it.  “Bilbo?” he said, wrinkling his nose.  “What kind of dwarf is named Bilbo?”

Thorin smiled at the two pairs of wide eyes that were gazing up at him.  “A very special kind of dwarf, it would seem,” he said lightly, before changing the subject.

The brothers grew up together, never doubting the strength or surety of their Bond.  Fili loved falling asleep next to Kili, tracing his own name etched into his brother’s wrist.  He noticed that his name was cooler than the surrounding skin, while ‘Kili’ always felt warm no matter what.

He liked that.  He liked to think of Kili as fire, burning and consuming and warmth.  He was the water that could tame the fire.  He never told Kili this, of course.

Through adolescence they stayed close, and the whispers and rumours got worse.  The more the brothers went out in public, with their constant physical contact and unspoken communication, the more the rumours spread that their Marks were going to change.  That the yellow of a platonic Bond would fade to green, or even blue. 

Despite the fact that the brothers kept their yellow Marks unashamedly uncovered, taunts began to follow them in the street.  A favourite was ‘brother-fucker’, which several of the repeat offenders seemed to find quite witty.

It never got the reaction they clearly hoped for, getting twin expressions of confusion and raised eyebrows at the shouter, instead of vehement protests.

“Why do they think we’re going to be insulted?” Kili yawned, when they were in bed the night before Fili’s sixty-fifth birthday.  “It’s not even clever.  Anyone could come up with it, really.  Also, you would be quite the catch for someone like me.”

Fili grunted, shoving his brother away half-heartedly.  “Don’t let them hear you say that.”

Kili laughed his completely carefree laugh, and Fili felt an odd warmth spreading fizzing through his limbs.  He ignored it, wrestling his brother into submission before they rolled over for sleep, legs tangled lazily together.

Kili’s breath and the little ‘presence’ he had in Fili’s head settled into sleep almost immediately, but Fili lay awake, staring blankly at the dark ceiling.  Really, he couldn’t sleep.  Something had been building up in him for the last several years, and it seemed to have come to a head tonight.

He couldn’t really describe it, except as an itch in his mind.  Like something he needed was missing, but only just out of reach.  And proximity with Kili seemed to be making it worse.  He took a deep breath—and sneezed as he accidentally inhaled some of Kili’s hair.

He was being stupid.  There was not an imaginary itch; it had to be explained by something real.  And there was no need to bother Kili with this.  He rolled away from his brother (and his annoying hair) and eventually managed to force himself into a restless sleep.

***

Fili woke the next morning to an odd tingling sensation in his wrist.  He blinked, brushing at the skin with his other hand, then yelped as a jolt ran through his arm.  He sat up, careful not to kick Kili.  He could feel his brother through their Bond, still vague in sleep.

And when he glanced at his wrist his first thought was relief that Kili was unconscious.  For his Mark was changing, fading from its glowing yellow, turning _green._

“No,” Fili muttered, scrubbing at it with his palm.  “No, no, no, no!”  He did _not_ feel that way about his brother.  He did _not…_

The colour change halted, and slowly faded back to yellow.  If the colour was slightly dimmer than before, Fili didn’t notice as he flopped onto his back, cold, frightened sweat breaking out all over his body.

What was he going to do now?  He had always had a reputation for being a little shy.  Now that he had come of age, maybe he could get away with covering something as intimate as his Mark.  It wasn’t as if he was still trying to find his Mate, after all.

He rolled out of bed, assessing Kili’s state as he did so.  He was still asleep, though Fili’s distress was starting to rouse him, no matter how hard the older brother tried to suppress it.  Fili turned back to dig through the drawers of their shared dresser, flinging clothes everywhere without mind.  He located a shirt of Kili’s at the very bottom of a drawer, a blue one he’d outgrown years ago.  Ignoring the symbolism of the colour he cut a strip from the hem, binding it clumsily around his wrist with a tight one-handed knot.

When Kili woke he found his brother still in bed beside him, though he was stiff with tension and didn’t respond when Kili rolled over to hug him from behind.  The younger dwarf ran gentle fingers over his covered Mark, and looked up with a question in his eyes, but when Fili didn’t offer an explanation he didn’t press the issue.

Fili wasn’t in the mood for celebrating that day, though his brother certainly was.  They returned to their room late that night, Kili stumbling with drink, laughing as Fili heaved him onto the bed.  Fili ignored his slurred words of thanks and love, eyeing his brother’s flailing wrist.

His Mark was still clearly yellow.  Fili heaved a sigh of relief.  He’d never heard of two Mates with different coloured Marks.  He was safe.

When Kili finally subsided into sleep, however, he couldn’t resist checking.  Just to be sure.  He gingerly untied his knot and unwrapped the cloth with trembling fingers.

He scrambled out of bed and sprinted for the nearest privy, emptying the little that was in his stomach, then huddled on the hard floor, trembling with shock.  His Mark was a clear, unmistakable deep blue.

Oh.

 _Fuck_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Fili's Mark changes colour, he's driven to desperate measures to protect Kili

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kudos, and especially your lovely comments!

The next thing Fili knew there was a warm body huddled around him, Kili’s beloved, sleepy voice demanding to know what was wrong.  His shock and horror had resonated down their Bond, jolting his brother into waking and some semblance of sobriety.

Fili looked up, trying to reassure Kili, but when he met those wide dark eyes he felt it like a shock.  The new colour of his Mark wasn’t some mistake.  He _wanted_ his brother, _wanted_ his baby brother to be his, completely.

Fili dropped his face into his hands, moaning at the force of his emotions and the anguish that accompanied them.  What to do?  How had Kili not felt it through the Bond?  How had he not noticed the Mark?

On impulse Fili reached out, grabbing Kili’s wrist and turning it up.  His name shone there, as deep and intense and golden as ever.

“Fili?  Fili, you’re acting very odd.  You didn’t drink that much.”  Kili was making it worse, pawing over his face and body, sending waves of heat through him in his boyish innocence.

Fili shoved him away, hard, horrified at the part of him that wanted to lean into those touches, capture that wet pink mouth…Kili fell back, looking shocked.  Fili could feel his hurt and surprise, feeding back into his own terror.

“Get away from me!” he snarled, and his voice didn’t sound like his own.  It was harsh and broken, and now it was fear he could feel flowing from his brother into him.  Kili scrambled to his feet, a single sob wrenching out as he fled, sprinting away from this strange side of Fili he’d never seen before.

Fili forced down a wave of nausea, crumpling to the floor, covering his face with his left hand.  As he did so a searing pain clawed up his arm.  With a yelp he pulled his hand away, holding it up to the closest lantern.

Kili’s name was changing colour again, and at first he was confused.  It seemed to be going purple…but no Mark was purple…

Then he was scrubbing at the Mark, whimpering, scratching, _biting_ at his own skin, trying to make the change _stop._

“No, no, that’s not what I want, no.  I love him.  I love Kili.  No, no, I love him, I love him!” Finally the letters returned to blue, and he fell back against the wall, exhausted.  And if the Mark was even paler now, he was too relieved to see it.

After that day he worked to distance himself from Kili as much as possible.  For as long as he was close to his brother, as long as he was near enough for Kili’s eyes and hair and scent and body to incite flashes of lust, he sickened himself.

He would leave a room as soon as Kili entered it, and when proximity was unavoidable, stubbornly gave his brother the silent treatment.  At first Kili responded with sullenness, matching the avoidance and silence with his own.

It didn’t take long at all for Kili to fall in with a group of younglings his own age, ones who had once been the most vocal in teasing the brothers.  Even with the Bond fading he had to put up with ribbing about their ‘lover’s quarrel,’ though that soon died out when the pair hadn’t spoken or looked at each other for several days.

What was worse was the backbiting and general maliciousness that started then.  The group had found a common enemy in Fili, and every time he passed there were shouted comments about his looks, his masculinity, and his qualification as the heir of Durin.  This group didn’t come from Thorin’s followers; they had no reason to respect the prince of a non-existent kingdom.  The only part that bothered him was the way Kili laughed along with them.

Fili knew his brother could be vindictive when the mood struck him, and that his first reaction at being hurt was to lash out, to inflict pain right back, though he’d never been on the receiving end of Kili’s temper before.  He did his best to ignore it, sleeping on the uncomfortable hard couch rather than brave their shared bed, keeping his emotions carefully locked down unless he knew Kili was asleep.

When Kili slept, he could allow himself the pain, allow himself to curl into a ball and cry his hurt into his sleeves.  He couldn’t let Kili see this; he had to keep Kili at a distance.  Kili’s temper was as quick to extinguish as it was to light, and if he knew he was hurting Fili…

Kili loved him, that he knew.  And he told himself over and over that he was doing what was best for Kili, even if the younger dwarf may not see it yet.

He always left home early, dodging his parents’ questions about his brother and avoiding dealing with Kili early in the morning, before his defences were completely up.  He spent his days reading, sparring in the practice courts, and basically avoiding everywhere Kili might look for him.

Their young neighbour Ori found him two weeks after his birthday, folded in the corner of the small library room of the town hall.  He shyly, with much shuffling of feet and wringing of hands, asked if Fili would help him with his weapons work.  The blond agreed, though he was confused.  Why would the clumsy scholar want extra weapons training?  Especially when his protective older brother had made his disapproval of the idea clear on multiple occasions.

He soon had his answer as Ori led the way to the nearest practice courts, and they opened the door to a burst of raucous voices, Kili’s easily distinguishable among them.  And the way Ori kept glancing up at him, then in the direction of his show-off brother, that confirmed his guess.

Fili sighed.  It was true that Ori was absolutely abysmal with any blade, and he would need the training.  While Kili’s hands never faltered in his enthusiastic demonstration of his prowess with his bow, there was a jolt of surprise and confusion along the Bond, so he had clearly been noticed.  He couldn’t back out without causing more problems.

Ori was looking painfully hopeful now, and Fili sighed, leading the way over to the racks holding the heavy war hammers.  He selected one of the lightest and tossed it to Ori—who dropped it.  There were titters from the now distracted crowd around Kili.

Fili ignored them, lifting down his own hammer while waiting for Ori to regain his composure.  The younger dwarf clearly had been hoping to avoid any actual weapons work, and was looking very put out when Fili started gently pushing him through basic motions.

After about half an hour he switched to his favoured twin swords, driving the now sweating Ori to block him, trying to get the plump scholar to apply what he had just learned.  That drew even more taunts from the other dwarves, and several times he had to pull blows because Ori wasn’t even looking at him.

“Are you fighting or dancing?” called one of them, and Fili rolled his eyes.  Why did they think they were so clever?  He could easily tune them out, and maybe working Ori hard enough would discourage him from trying this trick again.  If he was working out some of his frustration on Ori, he tried not to think about it.

He could ignore the comments, yes, except that the next one came from _Kili_.

As he was forced to dance away from Ori, barely avoiding chopping off one of his fingers and only just avoiding the wild swing of the war hammer, blocking too late, he heard.  “He really looks more like a princess than a prince.”

And Fili couldn’t control the stab of pain through his chest, was forced to lower his swords for a moment to wipe suddenly watering eyes.  He blamed it on the bright sun slanting through the windows and dust in the air, when Ori asked, and clamped down again with iron control.

Still, that had been long enough for Kili to notice.  Of course he would, standing right next to his brother.  It hadn’t even been a particularly good insult, but he couldn’t stop the little flicker of betrayal when he took a chance and glanced over at Kili.  The younger dwarf looked stricken.

Fili managed to garble out an apology to Ori, sheath his swords, and leave the building at a fairly sedate pace.  Once he was out of sight he broke into a run, all the way past the gates of the small town and into the forest.

He was lucky that this high in the mountains the forest was mostly pine, and fairly devoid of underbrush, or he would have sliced his face and hands to pieces on the brambles.  He made it to their clearing, and skidded to a halt, pacing back and forth with indecision.  He didn’t want to stay here, where he and Kili had spent so many afternoons, where he would be easy to find, but he didn’t know where else to go.  At last he simply collapsed on the grass, shaking with hysterics, and unable to tell for sure if he was laughing or crying.

Really, Kili had thought he wouldn’t care?  That he didn’t care?  He had actually been surprised when Fili was hurt by his words.  Fili couldn’t decide if he was happy that his deception had been so successful, or horrified that Kili didn’t know how much he was loved.  Soon enough his mind circled into blankness, and he was simply lying on his back with stiff weed stems poking into his neck, listening to the trickle and play of the stream beside him.

Kili made no attempt to be quiet as he crashed through the trees, and Fili couldn’t hold back a smile.  He never had been subtle, and most likely his friends were completely aware of his distress.  And his fear and hurt were fairly screaming through the Bond as he skidded into the clearing, flinging himself down and curling into Fili’s side.

“Fee, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he was babbling, pressing his face into Fili’s jacket, and Fili hadn’t seen him this vulnerable in years.  He clenched his fists until they shook, so very tempted to pull Kili close, and assure him it would be all right.  But then Kili was rolling over, and his face was close, far too close…

Fili pushed him away, startling to his feet, nausea and fear clashing with desire.  Kili was on his back now, holding himself up on his elbows, eyes wide and confused.  Fili wiped away treacherous tears, trying to hide the motion from Kili, who was staying uncharacteristically still, apparently waiting to see what his brother would do.

He gave in to temptation with a sigh, kneeling down and pulling Kili into a rough hug, burying his face in his brother’s hair.  Kili gave a small whimper, hands coming up to cling to him with desperation, and Kili was shaking.  Fili let himself just _feel_ for a moment, just let all of his love for his brother course through him, filling him, and knew Kili could feel it too.

Nothing in his life had hurt more than pulling away, untangling Kili’s hands from in his hair, and looking down at his face.  There was the temptation again, and he wanted nothing more than to lose himself in Kili once more.  But he knew what he had to do.

“Please…please, Kili, stay away from me,” he said, and it came out much more pleading than he had meant it, begging rather than ordering.  Kili’s eyes widened with incomprehension, and he reached out again with a strangled noise.

Fili stepped back, out of his reach.  “I’m so sorry, Kili,” he whispered, before he turned and walked away.  He braced himself, but with relief he realized he couldn’t hear Kili following him.  He halted just out of sight, taking a deep breath and forcing his emotions down and shutting them away, slightly ashamed of how good he had gotten at that over the last couple weeks. 

With his feelings safely locked down he could more easily deal with the overflow from Kili, the confusion and fear and bone-deep hurt.  It was _easier_ , but that didn’t make it easy.  He allowed himself a groan, a moment of pain for Kili, then headed home, preparing to go back to silence and the concerned looks of their parents.

Their parents didn’t know what was going on, of course, and Fili had no intention of telling them.  He kept his Mark covered with a bandage, and when asked said he had hurt his wrist in practice.   He knew that excuse couldn’t last much longer, but he hadn’t come up with a better one yet.

He entered the house through the back room of the shop, avoiding his parents, and trotting upstairs to their bedroom.  He flopped back on the bed, inhaling Kili’s scent on the pillows and unmade blankets, and sighed.  He’d just made a huge mistake.  Now that Kili _knew_ he didn’t want to do this, he wasn’t going to drop it, or help Fili out by going on the defensive himself.

Fili rolled over, hugging a pillow to his chest and burying his nose in it, taking a deep breath of Kili, telling himself it was for the last time.

***

Two days later Fili moved out of his parents’ home, taking an apprenticeship with an old smith in town, moving into the small room above his shop, claiming that it was simply more convenient than making the walk every day.

He’d been right, after that slip-up Kili had been harder than ever to avoid, to resist.  He had to actively hide from him instead of just avoiding his favourite places, and he was just lucky that their Bond had faded to the point that Kili couldn’t track him down with it. 

Poor Kili.  He still had no idea why Fili was doing this, doing his best to strain their Bond to the breaking point but no further.  For himself, Fili was desperately glad that with the Bond so thin and tenuous he wasn’t getting resonances of the pain that his brother must be suffering.

But it was better this way, better for Kili to hate him for leaving, rather than hate him for what he wanted to do.

He would wake in the middle of the night _shaking_ with pleasure, sometimes with shameful wetness in his underclothes.  He couldn’t remember exactly what he dreamed about, he never had been able to remember his dreams.  But now he could always conjure up images of Kili, hair wild and tangled, eyes dark with lust, on his knees in front of his older brother or, worse, on his back with legs spread, arching and wanton.

He hid his shame from the elderly dwarf, flat refusing to answer any questions about his brother, and flinging himself into the work with ferocity, doing his best to exhaust himself every day so he could avoid those uncomfortably wonderful dreams.

No matter how tired he was he still sometimes woke anyway, shivering and sweating, and he would know that Kili had just woken from a nightmare.  He would recover faster than his brother, whose panic he could still feel burning at the back of his mind.  He would roll over and gently run his fingers over Kili’s name, still softly blue against his skin, concentrating as hard as he could on calm and love.  He didn’t know if Kili could sense the much gentler emotions, but he liked to think he was comforting his brother still.  When the feeling of panic dissipated he would go back to sleep, though his bed never felt so empty or so cold as it did those nights.

***

A couple years after Fili moved in the old smith retired, allowing Fili to take over the forge and connected shop.

He hadn’t spoken to his brother in one year, eleven months, and nineteen days.  Not that he was counting, of course.  He knew that Kili often made excuses to pass by outside, checking up on him, and he pretended he couldn’t see his brother, or sense him through the Bond, standing outside the door, indecisive.  But he hadn’t been out there in a couple weeks, and Fili had let his guard down.

It was his first day on his own, and he was working on an order of cooking utensils, shaping a particularly difficult pot.  He heard the bell at the shop door tinkle as someone opened it, and called “Just a moment,” from the back, forge room.

He set down his tools, absently rubbing at the knitted armband around his left wrist, a gift from Ori.  Before he could move, however, the soft footsteps walked around the counter and through the door, and oh, that pressure on his mind, he _knew_ who it was.

Fili straightened, shaking.  He didn’t know what to say, so he waited for Kili.  The younger dwarf had never been one for patience.  Sure enough—

“Hello.”

Fili closed his eyes.  The voice was still wonderfully familiar, even through the slightly fearful tremor.  “Hello,” he responded, voice carefully neutral, turning and opening his eyes.

Kili looked as young and wild as ever, his hair still loose and un-braided, his stubbly beard still trimmed short.  Maybe there was a bit less baby fat, dark eyes looked larger in his pale face, as he searched Fili’s expression.

“I just…wanted to see how you were doing.”  Kili was uncertain, and Fili could feel it, proximity forcing their Bond open farther than it had been in years.  And dammit, he couldn’t do this, couldn’t look at his brother, his perfect Kili, his _Mate_ and not want him, not fantasize about pinning him against the wall, forcing his mouth open with his tongue...

Fili turned away violently, slamming the pot back onto his workspace and groping for his tools.  “As you can see, I’m doing quite well,” he said shortly, then did his best to pretend his brother wasn’t there.  He could hear Kili shift, clearly upset and debating what to do.  He concentrated hard on his irritation, with himself and his own weakness, desperate for that to be the only thing to make it down the Bond.

Kili was coming closer now, laying a hand on his shoulder, and so help him he froze and _leaned_ into that touch.

“Why do you do this?” Kili asked, voice trembling still. “Why have you shut me out?”  Fili shook his head mutely, realizing vaguely that his hands were limp, shaking at his sides.

Kili pulled him closer, into an actual embrace, and whispered “I know you still love me.  Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

How could he be expected to control himself through this?  He couldn’t do it.  But he couldn’t do…those things to his baby brother.  His spiralling confusion turned into fear, as Kili pressed harder against him, and the contact fed into the temptation, beating at his resolve.  Then the fear turned into defensive, burning anger.

“Get out.”  He didn’t shout it, didn’t raise his voice above his normal tone, but Kili immediately stepped back as if burned.  Fili gave up on the pot, reaching for a handful of thin iron rods and throwing them into the forge.  Nails.  He could do nails.  They required enough concentration to shut Kili out, but he wouldn’t screw them up too badly in his current state.

“Brother, please.”  Now Kili was pleading, and the sound started tears to Fili’s eyes.

“I said, get out!”  And now he was shouting, pointing a shaking finger at the door.  Tears were running down Kili’s cheeks, unashamed, but in the face of this unprovoked rage from his older brother he quailed, shooting one last broken-hearted look over his shoulder as he fled the room and the shop.

Fili slammed the door behind him, yanking the bolt across with more violence than strictly necessary.  Then he turned back to the empty room, and his anger drained away almost instantly.

He dropped to his knees, then his hands, then his side.  How long he lay there he didn’t know, sobbing, clutching his left wrist to his chest.  “I’m sorry Kili.  I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you.  I’m sorry for what I _want_ to do to you.”

After that day, when he checked his Mark in the morning and evening he started to sickly hope it would have turned red, would have released poor, innocent Kili from this hell.

It never did, though it faded even further until it was so faint that even he couldn’t read it.

He was no longer awoken by Kili’s nightmares, for the first time in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating will rise to Mature with the next chapter.  
> Also, please please comment to tell me what you liked (or didn't). I really want to improve my writing, and constructive criticism, or specifics on what I did well, always help.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It turns out repairing their Bond may not solve all of Fili and Kili's problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait guys, but it turns out the reason I've been wanting to sleep 18 hours a day and feeling low-level sick for the last month is because I have mono! I should be on the way to recovery now, though, and once I'm feeling better updates should be much more frequent.  
> Also I just can't write more than one chapter of angst. My characters need to be happy.  
> So have a fairly short fairly pointless chapter. And enjoy my first humble attempts at writing smut!

The next few years passed fairly uneventfully.  Their parents still didn’t understand what had happened between him and Kili, and Fili couldn’t bring himself to tell them.  He occasionally considered going to them for help, asking what they thought he should do, but he always discarded the idea hurriedly.  The confusion and half-remembered pain of the day of Kili’s birth still haunted him, and he couldn’t guess what his parents’ reactions might be to finding out their older son wanted _that_ from his younger brother.

When his parents ordered things from him—usually pots or utensils—he treated them like any other customers, responding to Dis’s concerned questions with “I’m sorry, I’m busy at the moment,” and retreated into the back room of the shop.

He sometimes hoped that Thorin would make one of his rare appearances, for as gruff and strict as their Uncle could be, he might know what to do about the Bond, and Fili was fairly certain he could count on Thorin not to tell his secret.

Fili grew more skilled in his chosen craft with each passing month, and certainly didn’t want for anything.  The training sessions with Ori became a fairly regular occurrence, the younger dwarf eventually making some progress with the heavy war hammer.  At least, when he swung the weapon he was more likely to hit his target than himself, and Fili was willing to declare that a victory.

To Fili’s surprise, these sessions were the result of insistence from _Dori_ , of all people.  The older brother had hauled Ori into the forge one day and bluntly asked him to work with the younger dwarf. 

“He’ll have need of those skills in the future,” Dori said when pressed, but refused to explain further.  Ori was as confused as his new tutor, but he did work hard.  Fili looked forward to the sessions as bright points in daily monotony, doing what he did best in the world: fighting.

There was one thing that he couldn’t prevent from interrupting his routine.  Each year, on Kili’s birthday, Fili would keep the forge open late.  He would work until long after the late summer sun had set, once all through the night, refusing to let himself think, or feel, or hurt.  He despaired of ever repairing their Bond.

He was planning to continue this pattern on Kili’s sixty-fifth birthday, actually letting orders build up the week before to make sure he would have plenty to do.  He ended up wrapping a bandage around his wrist again, because it was harder to peek under than Ori’s knitted band.  Telling himself that if something changed with his Mark he didn’t want to see it, he resolutely worked past the slight stiffness the bandage caused.

He couldn’t help but think that his Mark had changed on his sixty-fifth birthday, the day when, by tradition, he came of age.  If something were to change for Kili, it would probably be tonight.

_Don’t be stupid,_ he told himself sternly, flinging an iron rod onto his anvil and pounding at it as if it had personally offended him.  _His Mark won’t change.  He doesn’t feel the same as you do, you already know that.  He isn’t some sort of…pervert._

A particularly wild strike twisted the metal under his hammer, and he returned it to the forge with a huff.  He was supposed to be roughing out a set of shoes for a customer’s pony, not exactly a difficult task.  The sun was setting through his small windows, and he sighed, looking out wistfully.

He _could_ drown his feelings in mead and ale at the nearest tavern, but he told himself he was more mature and collected than that.  He also was certainly _not_ stubbornly avoiding going out because he couldn’t guess where his brother might be at the moment.

He drew another rod out of the forge, inspected its colour, and started working the initial curve into it.  Even over the pounding of his hammer he heard the bell at the outer door, and he ignored it resolutely.

Until a jolt of fear that was most definitely not his own sent his heart kicking in his chest, and he completely missed the iron with the next blow, hammer coming down on the anvil itself with a clang.

With a grunt of frustration he returned to the piece, trying to lose himself in the rhythm of it.  _Please, Kili, don’t do this to me, not now._

But then the door to the main room shut, almost silently, and then the faint, but unmistakable sound of the bolt sliding across.

That was unexpected.  He returned his iron to the fire, giving up on getting it done now, and turned, pulling off his heavy leather gloves.

Kili was leaning heavily against the sturdy wood of the door, looking like he had braced himself for something bad to happen before Fili even turned to him.

“I’m sorry,” Kili muttered, and his voice was deeper than Fili remembered, deeper than his own, and when had he gotten so _tall_?

“I’m sorry, Fili,” he repeated.  His right hand was wrapped around his left wrist, gripping so tight that the fingers of his left hand were darkening from lack of circulation.  At the sight Fili’s heart sped up, pounding in his ears, forcing bile into his throat, and he couldn’t tell if it was horror or hope.

He couldn’t think clearly.  He shook his head forcefully, trying to drive out the treacherous, tempting thoughts that were nearly overwhelming him.  They hadn’t been this bad before he left, had they?  He clenched his fists behind his back, digging his short fingernails into his palm.  Because right now he desperately wanted to reach out, grab, and forcefully _take._

_It’s Kili_ , he told himself.  _Kili.  Little Kili.  I can’t do that.  He’s not mine, he never will be._

Now Kili was stepping away from the door, towards him.  “I think…I think I know why you left.”  He slowly uncovered his wrist, holding it up to the light from the window.

There, in blue so very faint that it started to blend with the veins under the skin, Fili could read his own name.  He reached out, mutely, to trace the letters with his fingers.  At the contact Kili’s brown eyes drifted shut, and through their tenuous Bond he caught just a trace of the hunger that had haunted him for the last five years.

Then he knew why it was so much worse tonight.  Beneath the nearly blinding fear, which was spilling into him with more and more force, was a lust as dark and forceful as his own.

Fili stepped back, hurriedly pulling at the bandage around his own wrist, and twisted it to lay it alongside his brother’s.  Kili looked down, and his eyes widened before he met Fili’s gaze again.  Even as he watched the names were darkening, colour returning as the Bond reopened.

He couldn’t later tell which of them moved first, but at nearly the same time their right hands were each tangled in the other’s hair, left arms crushing between hard chests as they launched into a kiss. 

Lips met with a jolt of pain from clumsy teeth, and their tongues tangling even before they managed to disentangle their hands between their bodies.  It was inexperienced and new and _perfect_ and Fili groaned, pushing his brother into the door, holding him there with his greater body weight.

Kili was pushing back, trying to take control, but Fili wasn’t having that, not now, not after so long.  He reached back to work Kili’s right hand out of his hair, gripping both his brother’s wrists and pinning them to the door.  The tiny part of his mind that was still rational had no idea what he was doing, but it was smothered by waves of _want need mine TAKE._

And when Kili tilted his head back with a loud groan, surrendering to Fili’s touch, that little rational corner completely ceased protesting.  He pulled away from Kili’s mouth, lifting the younger dwarf’s arms above his head for better leverage.  Then, on impulse, he bent and ran his tongue up the side of Kili’s neck, loving the way Kili _squealed_ and wriggled against him.  He tasted of dirt, and sweat, and pine, and a bit of mead, and Fili pulled away with a smirk.

“Did you really spill your drink on yourself, brother?” he growled teasingly, nipping at Kili’s open panting mouth as he groaned, shaking his head in stubborn denial and trying to bite back.

The nipping had given Fili an idea, and he returned to his brother’s neck, licking and kissing up from his collarbone to sink his teeth into the skin just below his ear, sucking a mark that would only barely be hidden by Kili’s loose hair.

“My Mate.  Mine.”  Even as the words left his mouth he froze for a moment, suddenly wondering if he may have gone too far.  In the pause he realized Kili was still pressing against him, not like he was trying to push Fili away, but in an effort to achieve as much contact as possible, and his breath hissed out in a long “yessssss.”

Fili muttered “mine,” against the skin again, and moved to bite at the other side of Kili’s jawline.  He released Kili’s wrists to scrabble at the lacings of his brother’s breeches, and Kili’s arms circled him to tug at the strings of his heavy leather apron.  Fili tried to pull away enough to get their clothing out of the way, but as soon as he moved Kili whimpered and pressed closer.

The younger brother did manage to untie the strings he was yanking at, and he leaned his head back, breaking the kiss long enough for Kili to draw the apron over his head and toss it onto the floor with a loud thump.  Fili gave up on the breeches with a growl, tugging at Kili’s shirt instead, pulling it down to expose his collarbone and shoulders.

Kili’s hips were stuttering against him, and he could feel the hard line of his brother’s arousal against his lower stomach now that the thick leather was out of the way.  He pushed at Kili’s waist, and with a frustrated growl the brunette pulled away minutely, yanking feverishly at Fili’s breeches.

It was rough and raw and as soon as they were both freed from their underclothes Kili pressed close again, whining with impatience.  “Now, now, Fee, now!” he hissed, mostly-clothed hips still rolling urgently.  Fili groaned, gripping him by the waist and pushing him hard into the door to still the frantic movements.  He waited for Kili to hold still, though he continued to whimper and whine in protest, before he shifted to align their erections and thrust experimentally.

Kili’s mouth dropped open with a loud groan, and even as Fili’s entire body sang with the sensation of delicious skin on skin friction he realized that the frankly undignified mewling sounds he kept hearing were coming from his own mouth.  He leaned up to recapture Kili’s lips, muffling both of their moans as he sank his teeth into the plush bottom lip and thrust again. 

Kili shivered all over, his knees starting to buckle.  Fili grabbed him by the hips, supporting Kili’s weight as he continued to rut against him.  To his surprise Kili lifted his feet straight off the floor, hooking his legs behind Fili’s thighs, bracing himself against the door and locking his arms around his brother’s neck.  Fili groaned, pushing Kili harder against the wood and freeing one hand to reach down and fist around his brother’s cock.  Kili mewled, pushing up into the tightness.

Unbelievable pleasure was washing through both of them, running from one to the other and intensifying as it did so.  Already heat was coiling tight in Fili’s gut, and then Kili reached down to pull the older brother’s hand away, guiding him until both their fingers curled around both hard shafts, pushing them together with more friction, smearing mingled precome down to ease the slip and slide of skin.

Fili broke the open-mouthed kiss, pressing his forehead into Kili’s bare shoulder, panting as he tried hard to stave off his impending climax, knowing even as he did that this wasn’t going to last long no matter what.

Sure enough, Kili’s hips bucked against him once, twice, then his head was falling back, thumping against the door and he nearly _howled_ as he came.  Fili could feel the pleasure coursing through him as if it was his own, and it sent him crashing over the edge as well.  He sank his teeth into Kili’s shoulder, hard enough to bruise, as he climaxed without a sound, spilling between their bodies while Kili quivered through his aftershocks, jerking with echoes of Fili’s pleasure.

They sank to the floor together, Kili unlocking his ankles from behind Fili’s back and Fili gently supporting his brother’s weight down until they could sit in a sweaty, sated tangle.  They were still mostly dressed, and Fili was content to sit pressed closely together, panting as they came down from the high.

As his mind worked out of the post-orgasmic bliss, he leaned away to look up into Kili’s face.  To his surprise he was already thinking more clearly than he had in years.  When he looked at Kili the desire was there, yes, but only as a tiny undercurrent to the rest of his emotions.  And those emotions—affection, protectiveness, and love so deep and profound that he felt like he couldn’t possibly contain it, threatened to overwhelm him.  When Kili smiled at him, eyes lidded and sleepy, the same love was echoed in the expression.

He closed his eyes at the intensity of it all, clutching Kili to him and pressing his nose into his brother’s wild dark hair, just behind his ear.  “I missed you,” Kili whispered, holding him just as tightly.

“Missed you too,” Fili murmured, pressing gentle kisses to the side of Kili’s head.  He revelled in it, inhaling his brother’s scent and running his hands up Kili’s sides to stroke the soft skin of his neck and rubbing gently over the stubble of his beard.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, not talking, but touching and exploring and relearning each other.  Fili was surprised to feel hard strength where there was once softness, though Kili’s body was as lithe and lean as ever.  Kili ran his hands over muscles strengthened and swelled by years of smithing, and Fili chuckled at the small surprised noises his brother made.

He shifted back to look at Kili, warmth spreading through him at the warm, gentle, contended smile spreading across Kili’s face.  He leaned forward for a chaste kiss, a gentle press of already bruised lips.  Neither of them had any experience with this, but Kili seemed perfectly willing to learn as they went.  The kiss went back and forth for a few minutes, though Fili resisted the younger’s attempts to force his mouth open with his tongue.  He just wanted to savour Kili, with his soft skin and wonderful smell and lovely voice.

With a great effort he pulled away as the kisses grew more heated, leaning their faces together and breathing in tandem.  He didn’t want to spoil this, but when he shifted his weight the cooling stickiness in his trousers and shirt started to bring him down from his high.  He pulled away with a small sound of disgust, and looked up to meet Kili’s brown eyes.

Kili wasn’t looking blissed out anymore, but was regarding Fili with uncertainty and even a little fear.

“Well,” he said, voice a pale shadow of his usual carefree self. “What the _fuck_ are we going to do about this?”

Fili shut his eyes, leaning against Kili’s shoulder again as he shook his head.  “I have no idea,” he muttered.  They couldn’t very well tell anyone, including their parents.  Their mother may not be happy, but she wouldn’t hate them.  Their father though…Fili groaned at the thought.  Their father would disown them, at the very least. 

Not to mention what Thorin might do.  He was already disappointed in the fact that neither of his heirs would be continuing the line of Durin with their Mate, but he had always assumed that one of them would be able to at least function with a female in order to carry on the bloodline.  However, everyone knew that while two dwarves with platonic bonds, or two dwarves who had lost their Mates could produce children, a pair with a blue Bond were _never_ capable of performing with anyone but their Mate.  It was one of the reasons that dwarves reproduced so slowly, since most males were Bonded to each other and not every female had a Mate.

But how were they supposed to hide this?  They couldn’t go back to ignoring each other completely.  At the thought Fili tightened his grip around his brother.  Even imagining one night without him was torture.  It wasn’t even the kind of potently sexual possessiveness he had been struggling with for the last five years.  The pure, unconditional love between them, now that the Bond was reopened, wasn’t something he was going to give up without a fight.

How to explain the last five years, then?  How to explain suddenly cutting Kili out of his life, and then welcoming him back in?  There was the fact that both he and Kili would have to keep their Marks covered for the rest of their lives.  And even then it was unlikely that they would manage to keep from being discovered for any length of time.

What if they ran away?  They could find somewhere else to live; somewhere no one knew they were brothers.  No, he couldn’t possibly do that.  He had friends, family, his whole life here.  He couldn’t tear away from all that, not unless it was a last resort, and he couldn’t ask Kili to do so either.  What if—

Kili shifted against him, leaning back and swatting his shoulder.  “Fee, stop thinking so much.  You’re making _my_ head go ‘round,” he complained cheerfully.  “We can figure this out later.  I don’t feel like thinking right now.”

Fili watched as Kili stood, stretching luxuriously and wincing as he too discovered the uncomfortable mess they’d made of their clothes.  The younger dwarf glanced out the window, and grunted in slight surprise.  “Wow, it got late.  Way too late for walking home,” he said innocently, glancing down at Fili with a smile.

“You could sleep on the floor,” Fili suggested teasingly, getting to his feet as well.  It had indeed gotten late, and the only light in the room was from the slowly dying coals in the forge.  Kili rolled his eyes at him and grabbed a handful of golden braids, pulling his brother to him for a kiss.

“Let’s go upstairs,” he muttered against Fili’s lips, and the older brother pulled back, opening his mouth to protest as a pang went through his chest.  Kili swatted him again.  “Not for that,” he laughed.  “To get washed, and then to talk.  And start to make up for those five years.”

Fili smiled in response, reaching out to ruffle his brother’s hair as he led the way to the stairs that led to his living quarters over the forge.

He had Kili back.  Everything else could wait until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm basically never going to ask this of you guys, but PLEASE go easy on me with this chapter. I'm super depressed this week, and with the sickness on top of that I'm afraid I really don't think I can handle criticism gracefully right now, even if it's constructive. Normally I love your comments, and I really appreciate the fact that you want to help me improve my writing, and I look forward to seeing it on later chapters, but I just can't handle it this time around. Thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With their Bond repaired, Fili and Kili have to concentrate on something much harder: making sure no one finds out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the get well wishes! I really appreciate them! I'm having a lot of fun writing this one, I hope you guys are enjoying it as much as I am. I have about 20,000 words written on it and every time I go to type it up I add about 1500 words per chapter, so this has a long way to go.  
> Also, more porn next chapter, I promise.

Fili woke the next morning to the unfamiliar sensation of lanky limbs thrown across his back, and someone breathing morning breath into his face.  He jolted up onto his elbows, wrinkling his nose and looking down at Kili’s face, which was slack in sleep.  It took a moment for memory to return, and then he could feel a smile spreading involuntarily across his features.

They had stayed up almost all night, nothing new shared between them but occasional tentative kisses.  They had five years to make up for, after all.

Kili had a lot to say, apparently having bottled it up for the full time they had been separated, and Fili was perfectly willing to let him talk until his voice started to run down.  He had almost entirely abandoned his sword for the small curved bow he had always favoured.  Fili listened to him describing fletching his own arrows, going on about balance and weight and spin, absorbing the words greedily even as he enjoyed the way that Kili’s brown eyes lit up as he spoke. 

When he finally had nothing more to say about his bow, hunting, and their parents, Kili asked about smithing, and listened with the same fascination as Fili talked about iron quality and forge temperature and tempering.

When both their voices were hoarse with overuse they had fallen asleep in a close tangle on Fili’s narrow bed.  Kili had taken his breath away with a deep, sweet kiss, clever tongue pushing and caressing until Fili pulled away with a small whimper of need, already half hard.  Kili graced him with an innocent little smile before turning over to press his back into Fili’s chest.  Fili groaned, half-heartedly smacking his impossible little brother before he too settled to rest, reaching his arm around Kili’s waist and pulling him close possessively.  When Kili’s hands came down to rest on his, he explored by touch until he found his name on the inside of Kili’s wrist, still cool against his sensitive fingertips.

And he had fallen asleep like that, just as he had for years when they were children.

Now Fili reached down to pull an errant lock of dark hair out of Kili’s face, wincing a bit as it came away damp with drool.  “You’re gross, brother,” he muttered, bending to press a kiss to his temple before detangling himself from long limbs and getting up.  Kili immediately rolled into the vacated space, huffing and grunting in his sleep as he settled again.  Kili’d never been a morning person, but Fili was in the habit of getting up early to open the forge, and he wasn’t about to sleep in more than usual because his altogether too-tempting brother was in his bed. 

Not that he didn’t _want_ to.

He wandered over to the small corner of his personal space that served as a kitchen, opening the small woodstove and building a fire inside it.  By the time Kili rolled out of bed, hair standing up in random directions and eyes still blurry, Fili had fried eggs and was currently toasting thick slices of bread from their parents’ shop.

“Are we finally awake over there?” Fili teased, dropping the toast slices onto a plate, which he slid onto the small table beside the eggs.  “If you don’t get moving faster I’m going to eat everything.”

He was slightly surprised to find now he had actually claimed what he had been fighting, his mind was still clear, even with Kili sprawled out in his underclothes, blinking sleepily as he looked momentarily disoriented.  He looked tempting, and Fili could certainly imagine climbing back into bed with him, and licking and sucking and touching until the rest of the world didn’t exist, but it wasn’t the kind of all consuming need that he had felt before.  A glance at his wrist confirmed that the Mark was still blue, sky blue that seemed to be deepening with every moment.

So their new Bond was going to stay, but he knew now that Kili _wanted_ this as much as he did.  _Slightly cruel of whatever force it is that dictates these things_ , he thought grumpily, _to make me doubt my control before, when I needed it.  But now that I_ don’t _need that control, I have it back._ He shook himself out of his thoughts, starting to clear the unused food back into his small cupboards.

Kili made a face in response to the teasing, sitting down in one of the rickety chairs beside the table and grabbing a slice of toast and an egg, though he didn’t start eating yet.  His eyes tracked Fili while he cleared up the debris left from his cooking, and sat down across from his younger brother.

“Kili, why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, caught off-guard by the uncertainty that was fairly radiating off his brother.

“That wasn’t a dream, was it?” Kili asked.  It was more of a statement, really, but with enough of a questioning edge that Fili could tell he was genuinely worried.

“Of course not.  Look at your Mark,” Fili told him, turning over his own arm for evidence.  Kili laid his wrist on the table also, smiling at the matching bright sapphire colour of both names.  “Were you hoping it was a dream?” he asked, and was proud of the fact that despite his own uncertainty it sounded teasing.

“Of course not,” Kili grinned at him.  “I just wanted to be sure you weren’t going to toss me out half-dressed.”

Fili waved a dismissive hand at him, biting into his toast.  He was starting on his second piece when he choked, dropping his food on the table with a squeak.  Kili looked at him questioningly, still chewing a mouthful of egg, as if he were completely unaware of the foot that was creeping up between Fili’s legs.

“You are going to be the death of me,” he said, pushing away and standing to wave a finger in front of that innocent face.

“Don’t you want me?”  Kili asked, standing as well and padding over to lean into Fili, pressing along his side from ankle to shoulder, eyes wide and pouting as he hovered over Fili’s lips, just far enough away that his breath brushed Fili’s skin teasingly.

Fili gave in to the moment of weakness, leaning forward to crush their mouths together and reaching down to grope roughly at Kili’s crotch, grinning at the whimpering noise he earned from his brother.  “I want you.  You know I do.  But you need to get home before mother worries even more.”

Kili moaned a protest, pushing harder against him and his hands started to wander as well.  “You want me to leave?  Already?  But I haven’t even…” and the suggestions he whispered in Fili’s ear had the older brother blushing and stuttering as he pulled away.

“W-where did you even _hear_ that?” he demanded, laughing as Kili smirked at him.

“Oh hush, Fee.  I’m only five years younger than you.  I _do_ pay attention in the taverns.  And I have several things I would _love_ to try…”

Fili laughed and pushed him away with a final apologetic kiss.  “Stop calling me that.  We’re not twenty anymore.  And you really need to get home sometime this morning.  If you tempt me too much I’m not going to let you go for _hours_.”

They dressed with much giggling and occasional backwards progress, and Fili rummaged in his drawers until he found his stash of small knitted armbands.  “Here,” he said, tossing one at Kili.  “Ori keeps making them for me.  I think he knows that they’re the only things he makes that I’ll actually wear.”

Kili inspected the blue and green band, slipping it onto his wrist and rotating the joint to test the mobility.  “It’s a little loose.  I’ll have to persuade Ori to make me some of my own.  Speaking of which,” he looked up at Fili, and the crease of concern was back between his brows.  “What _are_ we going to do about this?”

Fili sighed.  He hadn’t taken the time to think about it, with last night’s talking and the morning’s teasing.  “I don’t know yet, Kili.”  He said, running his hand absently through his own hair, tangling it even more than it already had been.  “We’ll figure out something.  I promise.”

Kili didn’t look entirely satisfied, and he put up token resistance as he was nudged down the stairs to the backroom of the forge.  He stopped at the bottom step, turning and catching Fili in a last kiss while his brother was standing on the step above. 

Fili stiffened for a moment, but allowed Kili to draw him in.  His little brother had absolutely no right to be so _good_ at this already.  He was also revelling in the sensation of being a few inches taller than him, leaning down into a kiss for the first time.  They broke apart with breathy laughter, and Kili was leaning in again when a faint knock came at the door to the main shop.  Fili immediately dodged around Kili, ignoring the small noise of frustration that the archer made, realizing that they had left the door locked the night before and that he should have been up and working hours ago.

“Sorry, just a moment please,” he called through the wood, trying unsuccessfully to shoo Kili out of sight.  The younger dwarf pouted, and Fili caught a flash of hurt from him before he turned away, opening the door cautiously.

“Oh, it’s you, Ori,” he said, relaxing minutely.  Had it been one of his older, more conservative customers he would have made more of an effort to get Kili upstairs and away, but the sight of the young scholar had sparked an idea.

“Sorry to bother you, Fili, Dori just sent me for his order of nails this morning, and he’s in a bit of a mood today,” Ori said, shuffling his feet.

Fili smiled at him, backing up to let him through the door as he turned to where he had left the (thankfully finished) nails the day before.  He nodded to Kili, hoping his brother got the message, as Ori followed him into the forge. 

It seemed Kili could indeed take a hint.  “Hullo, Ori,” he called, bounding over to ruffle the scholar’s hair.  “What’s got Dori in a mood this time?”

Ori looked up at him blankly, opening and shutting his mouth a few times before he responded, “I-I don’t know.  I think Nori might have sent a letter, that always upsets him.”

Fili glanced over at them curiously.  He couldn’t blame Ori for being surprised to see Kili here; after all, he was probably the last dwarf anyone expected to see in the forge.  And it seemed that Kili’s presence had startled the truth out of him.  Everyone knew about his brother Nori, who was no longer welcome in this particular corner of the Blue Mountains, but the other two were usually very reluctant to discuss him.

“Sorry about that, Ori,” Kili said, pulling him into a rough one-armed embrace.  Ori was still looking a little shocked.

Fili located the bag full of small, pin-like nails, and handed them over.  “Actually, Ori, I had a favour to ask you,” he said cautiously, as Ori wriggled away from Kili and reached out to take them.  “If our parents ask, could you tell them that Kili spent the night with you last night, please?”

Ori looked between them, still confused.  “Why do you need me to do that?”

Kili smiled at his older brother behind Ori’s back, apparently having caught on.  “They always want to know where I am.  It gets annoying, actually.” 

The gamble was paying off.  Ori wasn’t totally convinced, but years of being mother-henned by Dori had instilled some sympathy in him.  “I can do that.  But why—“

Kili cut him off.  “It’d take a bit of explaining, that I stayed the night here, wouldn’t it?”

“It would…” Ori was clearly angling for an explanation himself.

“We talked last night.  Worked out our fight,” Fili said casually, ducking around the younger dwarf and heading out to open his shop for the day.  He was thankful that most wouldn’t expect him to be up and about early the day after Kili’s birthday.

Ori was still talking to Kili in the backroom.  “That’s great, Kili!  I’m glad you two worked out whatever happened.  I always wondered what it was.  I tried to help back in the beginning, but Fili didn’t seem to want my help and I couldn’t get you to go along at all.”

“Yeah, I was being a bit of a brat,” Kili agreed, having the grace to sound embarrassed.  Fili snorted at the understatement, bending to reach under the counter for the box he kept payments in.

What he heard next stopped him dead.  “Oh, if you want covers too, I can make them for you.  It looks like Fili’s doesn’t quite fit…” followed by a strangled yelp of “Ori, no!” from Kili.  Fili dropped his face into his hands at the surge of fear and embarrassment from his brother, and the small “oh” from Ori.  He took a moment to compose himself, swallowing down rising bile before he turned to look at the pair.  They were frozen, the scholar’s fingers hooked in the too-big band around Kili’s wrist, both staring at the bright blue name on his skin.

Slowly Ori’s cheeks turned bright red, and Kili finally yanked his wrist back.  “Oh,” Ori said again, quietly.  Kili looked up helplessly.  “I’m sorry, Fili, he just grabbed me.”

“I know,” Fili said, voice sounding flat and distant to his own ears.  Ori was looking between them.

“I’m sorry, I just saw it was loose and I went to check it.  I didn’t mean to…I won’t tell anyone.”  He sounded pleading.  “I’ll tell your parents that Kili spent the night at my house, just like I said.”

“Ori, calm down!” Kili said, though he was still holding his left wrist protectively close.  “We’re not mad at you.  We’re just startled, and well…” he glanced at Fili for help.

“Worried about who you’re going to tell.”  Kili was… the closest Fili could come to describing it was _vibrating_ inside, fear and adrenaline rushing through him and overflowing into his brother, making it hard to think straight.

Ori shook his head.  “I won’t tell anyone.  Really,” he promised.  “I’m just glad you’re not fighting anymore.”

Fili gave in and took the few steps to wrap a protective arm around Kili’s waist, feeling his brother stiffen even as he leaned into the touch. 

“You know what people will do if they find out?” he asked, giving Ori a look he hoped was severe rather than simply frightened. 

The scholar nodded vigorously.  “I won’t tell, I said I wouldn’t,” he insisted.  “You two are lucky to have one another, and I wish I’d found my Mate.  If he was my cousin or even my brother I’d at least have someone.”

Kili made a noise of understanding.  Ori hadn’t ever fit in well with the other dwarves their age.  He was more interested in his books and drawings and knitting than in weapon work, while the other young dwarves tended to enjoy hacking at each other with blunted practice blades and getting into loud drunken fights.  But the black name on his wrist didn’t match anyone in the small town, or anyone that the occasional passing trader knew.  It was unlikely for a dwarf to live his whole life without meeting his Mate, if he had one, since Mates tended to gravitate to each other in odd ways, even if it sometimes took decades or centuries for them to meet.

And Mates were supposed to be similar souls, who completed and complemented each other.  It made sense for poor lonely Ori to long for that, even for a forbidden Bond between brothers.  Fili and Kili glanced at each other, before stepping up together to lay a hand on each of Ori’s shoulders.

“Thank you, Ori,” Kili said softly, and Fili nodded his own thanks, his throat still constricted with fear from the near-disaster. 

Just then the front bell tinkled, and Dori’s slightly irate voice rang from the doorway.  “Ori, are you in here?  I need those nails sometime today, if you please.”

Ori shot one last glance at the brothers and scampered out to deliver the requested nails, leaving them alone once more.

Fili waited until the door shut behind Dori before turning to Kili, who had hopped up to sit on the surface of the cool anvil, running his hands distractedly through dark hair.  “This isn’t starting too well,” the younger dwarf muttered.  “Less than a day and already someone’s found out.  How the hell are we going to hide this?”

Fili shook his head, padding over to stand between Kili’s legs, leaning his head to rest on his brother’s collarbone, telling himself it was as much for Kili’s comfort as his own.  “We’ll have to avoid being caught together.  And get you an armband that actually fits, that’s all,” he said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt.

Kili’s hands tangled in his hair, tugging reproachfully.  “Fili, you’re worried.  I can feel it, you know.  Don’t lie.”

The blond growled annoyance, but complied.  “Alright, I don’t know how it’s going to work, and I don’t know if we’re going to avoid getting caught.  But I want to try.  I don’t want to lose you again.”

Kili nodded against his hair, arms tightening.  “You won’t,” he whispered.  “Even if they found out.  No matter what they did, you wouldn’t lose me.  Not unless you wanted to.”

His voice broke on the last sentence, and Fili felt his own breath hitch.  The hurt of the last five years was still there, still raw, and he was not in any state to deal with it this morning. 

“You need to get home,” he said finally, pulling away to kiss Kili one more time.  “I’ll see you…day after tomorrow, yeah?  In our clearing?” 

Kili made a small noise of protest, but nodded.  “I’ll miss you,” he said plaintively, but he was already resigned. 

“I’ll need a day to get caught up on orders, and to get some extra done so I can take a few hours off,” Fili explained anyway, not at all liking the way Kili’s eyes widened at him.  He got the feeling he was going to be giving in to that expression a lot in the coming years.

But as he shooed Kili out of his shop, and lit the forge to start on the day’s work, he felt better than he had in ages.  The hurt was still there, and the trust was almost gone, but they had the rest of their lives to get it back.  He wasn’t going to let anything separate him from Kili, not ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Compliments and constructive criticism are always appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiding their Bond is putting a lot of strain on both brothers, even when it's only been a few days since it reopened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while. Have an extra 1500 words and some smut to make up for the lateness.

Fili hadn’t realized just how long two days could seem to last.  He’d thought it was bad when the Bond was nearly non-existent, but now that it was open again it was pure torture to be separated from his brother.  He could once again sense Kili’s whereabouts, though not yet with the old precision.  And he was getting the overflow of his younger brother’s most powerful emotions, an aching loneliness chief among them.

He didn’t worry about Kili; he knew why that was, and it wasn’t for lack of company.  He himself felt hollow, like something was missing, no matter what he was doing to distract himself at the time.  He had to stop himself from looking over his shoulder constantly, knowing the familiar dark figure wouldn’t be there.  That knowledge was so _wrong_ that it gave him a creeping feeling under every inch of skin whenever he thought about it.

Add to this a seething pent up, potently sexual frustration, and he was nearly squirming as he curled up in his irritatingly empty bed for the second night it a row.  That was another thing.  His bed had no reason to feel so horribly cold and empty when his brother had only shared it once.  But reason or not, it took him a long time to get to sleep.

The next morning dawned far too early, and Fili hauled himself around in a vague half-trance, only waking up fully when he realized he’d bent the sword he was supposed to be working on almost irreparably.  He set to fixing it with a will, telling himself he would leave to meet Kili as soon as he finished that particular piece.

As for Kili, he was still in the town, Fili could tell that much, though he couldn’t sense exactly where.  He assumed his brother would meet him out in the woods as soon as he sensed that Fili had left.

With the sword completed to his exacting standards, Fili closed and locked the front door of his shop, meandering down the market street of their small town as if in no hurry.  He ignored the small voice in his head that was screaming at him to _run_ away, out into the forest where no one could see, where he could do as he wished without worrying what anyone else thought.  The owners of small stalls along the road nodded greetings to him, some calling out a “good morning.”  He responded in kind, stopping to buy himself an early apple at one stall, munching on it as he passed through the gates.

A cursory glance around showed that no one had taken much notice of his departure, and he continued along the road north for a ways before ducking off it to cut through the woods.  He hadn’t been this way in almost five years, but his feet knew the way despite the many changes in the landmarks around their clearing.

The clearing itself was still the same, however, overgrown with course grass and the occasional weed.  The stream had slowed to a mere trickle this time of year, and a large rock on the bank that would otherwise have been underwater provided him with a warm, sunny seat to wait for Kili. 

He finished his apple, basking in the bright sun with his eyes closed, and threw away the core just as he felt the presence that said ‘Kili’ in his mind coming closer.  The itch under his skin would no longer be denied, and he was up and jogging toward that presence before he realized it.  He heard it when Kili broke into a run, away in the trees ahead of him, and neither of them slowed until they came together in a tangling collision.  Fili’s greater weight sent Kili sprawling with a laugh, Fili careful not to crush the younger dwarf as he landed atop him and bent to kiss him thoroughly.

He had expected Kili to respond with enthusiasm; what was _unexpected_ was the tinge of desperation as the archer’s mouth opened readily, with a needy little noise, or the sudden arch and flip that reversed their positions on the pine needles.

“Kili…I don’t know—“ Fili managed to gasp out, before he was interrupted by another forceful kiss and Kili’s mumbled “shut up” against his mouth.   Kili’s hands were wandering, sliding up under Fili’s light shirt and slowly exploring over his stomach and chest.  Fili reached up to tug at Kili’s hair, trying to take back some control.  The leisurely movements of those hands instantly ceased, and he found his wrists pinned to the forest floor beside his head.

“No,” Kili said sternly, pulling back enough scowl down at his older brother, though the effect was slightly ruined by the way his eyes were dark and hazy with lust.  “I’m in control this time.”

Fili started to protest, but then Kili was bent lower, stubble prickling as he nipped and sucked at the blond’s throat, and what he was about to say was lost in a drawn out groan even as he arched into the body above him.  “No marks,” he managed, and got a frustrated, mumbled affirmative in response.  He didn’t need to go parading through town with his neck covered in bruises.  He was so distracted that he almost missed when Kili yanked the knitted armband off his left wrist, exposing his younger brother’s bright blue name there.  As he recovered from that wave of pleasure the grip on his arms tightened warningly.

He strained up experimentally against the hands on his wrists, and noted with some surprise that he couldn’t have gotten free even if he had wanted too.  For some reason that feeling, being pinned helpless under his baby brother, sent a fire straight to his groin.  Abandoning all pretence of dignity he gasped and rolled his hips up, searching desperately for friction.

Kili gave a breathy laugh against his throat, and shifted position, forcing his knees between Fili’s thighs and pushing them apart to situate himself there, pressing down and slotting their bodies together with a keening moan.

“Fili…Fee…I wanna…ah!  Stop me if you want.”

Fili was about to ask what on earth Kili meant, completely mystified by that half-choked statement, when suddenly the hands around his wrists were gone, and Kili was hauling him up to his feet.  No sooner had he got his balance but Kili was on him again, pushing him up against the nearest pine tree, ignoring the needles that clung to both their clothing as he kissed him hard.

Kili was humming and moaning as his tongue laved up and down Fili’s neck, wracking the elder’s body with shudders as he dropped small nips in the wake of his wet kisses, and then he was tangling his hands in Fili’s shirt, pulling away to draw it up and off in one movement.  Fili squirmed at the sudden rough scrape of the bark against his back, but immediately stilled as long talented fingers ran over his chest.  Kili smirked against his neck as one of those fingers passed lightly over a sensitive nipple, making Fili let out a long hiss at the unexpected jolt.

Immediately Kili was pinching mercilessly, bending down to lick and suck at one pebbling nipple while his hand brushed over the other, shivering with every small sound he worked out of his older brother.  He switched sides as the reactions started to wane and Fili’s eyes swam back into focus, repeating the process until Fili lost patience and reached out to tangle his hands in long dark hair.  Before he could decide what he was going to do with his grip, however, Kili was dropping lower, nose and lips dragging through the hair of Fili’s sternum, following the trail of curls down to the waistband of his breeches.

Fili let out a low groan, releasing Kili’s hair to reach back and grip the rough trunk behind him for stability.  Kili nipped along his stomach, fingers working feverishly at the ties of his breeches even as he leaned over to mouth over Fili’s hipbones.  He yanked the clothing down, settling back on his knees to contemplate the sight before him.  Fili’s cock was hard and aching, and his hips gave little aborted movements as he sought any kind of relief.  A drop of clear precome was already gathering at the tip.

Fili looked down, and closed his eyes with a small mewl, shuddering all over as he looked down at the exact image that had tormented him for the last five years.  Kili on his knees in front of him, eyes wide and clouded with pleasure, lips red and swollen, reaching down with one hand to palm the bulge in his own breeches.

“Kili, you don’t need to—“ Kili ignored him, leaning forward to lap at the liquid at the tip of Fili’s cock, humming as he pulled away to consider the taste.  Fili’s eyes clamped shut and his head fell back against the tree trunk with a whimper.  Kili’s entire body shuddered at the sound, and he braced his hands on Fili’s hips for balance as he ran his tongue up the thick vein on the underside of his cock.  Fili clenched his hands into cracks of the tree bark, whining as all his muscles tensed, trembling against the pleasure.

Kili was in no hurry, licking and tasting every inch of his brother’s cock, shivering all over from the overflow of sensation, before he wrapped his lips around the very tip and _sucked_.

He couldn’t help it; Fili gave a sharp yelp as his hips bucked forward, instantly ashamed at the way Kili choked on the unexpected thrust.  What was even more unexpected was how Kili pulled away just enough that he wasn’t gagging anymore, and before Fili could apologize for it Kili’s cheeks hollowed and he couldn’t do anything but concentrate on keeping his legs from giving out.  Kili’s tongue was never still, even now moving up to press against the underside of the cock in his mouth, swirling and teasing experimentally.  Fili moaned again, shocking himself with how loud he was, before he reached up with one hand to push his own fingers between his teeth, biting down hard to push away the pleasure that threatened to overwhelm him.

Mercifully Kili paused at the sound, allowing Fili to draw himself back from his rapidly approaching climax, before the younger dwarf started to bob his head tentatively.  Fili’s head thumped back hard against the wood behind him as he let out a long breathy moan.  It was sloppy and inexperienced, and spit dripped down Kili’s chin and his teeth occasionally caught Fili’s hard shaft, but everything was completely worth it for the pleasure crashing through both of them, and Fili was drawing close again.

One look down at Kili was all it took; his brother’s eyes were hooded and unfocused and _happy_ , and he was humming, whining around his brother’s cock as if he were on the receiving end. 

“Oh, fuck…Ki…Kili!” was all the warning Fili managed before his orgasm slammed into him out of nowhere, his vision going white as he sagged against the tree, hips jerking as he resisted the urge to thrust forward with each wave.

Kili coughed at the sudden salty-bitter taste, and drew away with a wet gasp.  He closed his eyes reflexively as the next spurt painted a white stripe up his face, and then he immediately latched his lips back around Fili’s tip, sucking and swallowing until Fili came back to himself and started to squirm from the overstimulation.  He was still palming his own erection frantically through his breeches, and Fili dropped to his knees between Kili’s spread legs, reaching forward to bat Kili’s hand away and replace it with his own.

Kili let out a long, low keen, eyes still shut as he thrust into Fili’s grip, coming undone within moments, babbling Fili’s name as his release soaked through his breeches.  Fili reached forward as Kili panted, brushing a string of come away from Kili’s right eyelid with his thumb, before leaning in for a deep, tongue-tangling kiss.  He had forgotten, for a moment, about what Kili had just done, and grunted in mild disgust at his own bitter taste in Kili’s mouth.   The dark haired dwarf smirked, reaching up to draw him in deeper for a moment before releasing him, eyes fluttering back open at last.

“Sorry about that,” Fili muttered, groping on the ground beside them for his now thoroughly dirty shirt and using a relatively clean corner of it to wipe the rest of his mess from Kili’s face, not missing the way Kili’s tongue darted out to catch a drip near the corner of his mouth.

“…don’t mind,” Kili sighed, still looking warmly contented as he leaned forward to rest his forehead against the bare skin of Fili’s shoulder.  “Needed that.”

He could easily have stayed there forever, with a limp and sated Kili in his arms, but his knees started to complain about the pine needles that were digging into his bare skin, and his back was stinging were it had scraped a bit on the tree bark.  So after a moment allowing the last tingles of pleasure to fade from their limbs, he stood, hauling his brother up as well.

“There’s a pool a bit downstream, right?” he asked.  “We can bathe, and get my shirt and your pants clean.” He pulled on his breeches, though upon inspection his shirt had too many wet spots that were quickly drying to become crusty spots in the heat.

Kili yawned hugely, clearly much more interested in a nap than in bathing, but followed him readily enough.  Fili’s memory was accurate; there was indeed a pool a little way downstream of their clearing.  Even with the stream low it was still fed by a trickle that kept the water from going stagnant. 

Fili tossed his shirt down on the rocky bank, pulling his breeches down again, about to step into the water when there were suddenly warm hands tracing up his bare thighs.  “Stop that!” he said sternly, though he couldn’t stop the wide grin that spread across his face.  “Bathing first.”

Kili muttered something unflattering, but willingly stripped off his own clothes.  Fili had started to wade in, hissing at the chill of the water, when Kili went flying past him with a wild shout, sending a splash over him.  Startled, Fili stumbled and fell, though he couldn’t help laughing at the high-pitched yelp that escaped Kili from the middle of the pool.

“Mahal, that’s _cold_!” he nearly howled, paddling hurriedly over to where he could stand, clambering up on a rock beside the water.

“What do you expect?  It’s snow melt, dummy,” Fili said through his giggles, splashing water at his brother.

Kili retorted with something that sounded suspiciously like “you’re a dummy,” before sliding off his rock, ducking under the water to wet his hair.  Fili laughed, splashing into the deeper water himself, shivering for a while before the freezing water finally numbed him.

Kili surfaced, sputtering, using his hands to scrub at his face to get rid of the last traces of stickiness.  He grinned when he spotted Fili heading towards him, and motioned with his finger for Fili to turn around.  The blond obeyed, waiting to see what Kili was going to do, twitching when Kili immediately splashed water up into his hair.

“What’re you—“ he started, receiving only a smack on his shoulder and “Hold still!” as a response.  Then Kili started to work long fingers into his hair, massaging his scalp to get rid of the drying sweat from his work in the forge as well as their earlier exertions.  Fili groaned, leaning shamelessly into the touch, backing up until he could feel Kili’s heat at his back instead of the chill water.

Kili gave a small laugh against his ear, continuing his ministrations even as he leaned forward to nibble on his earlobe.  “We haven’t bathed together in years, have we, brother?” he whispered.  “I missed this.”

Fili frowned, heart twisting at the reminder, guilt washing over him uncomfortably.  Both for the last five years, and at the reminder that this was _Kili_ behind him, his brother, the one he’d taught to walk and talk.  He started to pull away, but Kili immediately grabbed him around the waist, holding him still.

“Stop that,” he said sternly, one hand coming up to cover Fili’s mouth and stifle his protests.  “I _know_ when you start drowning yourself in guilt, and I know why, and may I remind you that you didn’t have much of a problem with it when I was sucking your cock earlier.”

Fili glared, frustrated that he had no response to that, and settled for “Where did you learn to talk like that?”

Kili rolled his eyes.  “Same place I imagine anyone does.  From people who aren’t as private about what they do with their Mates as we are.”

And Fili caught a flash of the same hurt he’d sensed a few days ago when he’d tried to shove Kili out of sight.  He wriggled out of his brother’s grip and turned to face him, but Kili was smiling down at him, and leaned in for a kiss as soon as the angle permitted.

“Come on, let’s get out,” the archer murmured.  “Your fingernails are turning blue.”

They splashed their way to the bank, occasionally tripping each other or shoving the other back into the deeper water with loud laughs.  Fili reached the shore first, and threw Kili’s breeches at his head.  Kili rolled his eyes, but bent to scrub at the stain on the front of them.  Fili grabbed his shirt and followed suit, before spreading the clothing out on a nearby rock to dry.  He flopped backwards in the grass, closing his eyes as he let the hot sun dry his skin, for the moment just basking his brother’s presence close at hand.  He was already starting to drift off into sleep when Kili lay down beside him, pillowing his head on Fili’s chest and reaching up to toy with his hair.

“You’re still feeling guilty over something.”  Kili muttered, snuggling in close, pressing his entire body along his brother’s side.

Fili sighed.  “I’m never going to have a thought to myself again, am I?” he asked, trying to sound light-hearted about it, then quickly answered the question before he could follow that slightly disturbing train of thought.  “And I don’t understand how you’ve forgiven me for leaving you so quickly.”

Kili shifted uncomfortably at his side, but Fili was soothed by the way that his brother still turned toward him for reassurance, in this instance leaning up and pressing his nose into the hollow behind Fili’s ear and breathing in his scent.

Finally, he answered.  “I haven’t.  Not really.” 

Fili stiffened, and Kili immediately pressed kisses to his neck, trying to calm him.  “I’m being honest with you, ‘cause it’ll hurt us both less in the long run.  I don’t think I ever will forgive you, not completely.  But I love you, so much, that it’s better to have you back, and have you love me, than cause fights over my hurt feelings.”

Fili wanted to respond that this was a bit more than hurt feelings, but he couldn’t seem to find the words through the guilt and relief and pain, and settled for “I’m so, so sorry, Kili.”

Kili shrugged, leaning up on his elbow to give him a shaky smile.  “It’s fine.  I know why you did it.  Always trying to protect me, even when I don’t need it.  But…you’re not angry that I can’t forgive you, right?”

When Kili looked down at him with those wide brown eyes, looking suddenly fearful, even as he desperately tried to hide it, Fili was reminded just how _young_ his brother was.  Really barely more than a child.

 _You’re not that much older yourself._   A treacherous voice inside him reminded, but he ignored it.  “Of course I’m not angry, Kili,” he whispered.  “How could I be angry?  I’m just glad I have you now.”  He leaned up for a chaste kiss, feeling Kili’s widening smile against his lips.  He could easily stay here forever, just lying with Kili in the warm sunshine, revelling in the touch of naked skin as he groped for Kili’s left wrist and traced his name there.

Kili submitted to the attention for a moment, allowing his head to drop back onto Fili’s shoulder with a smile.  After a few seconds, however, the older dwarf could clearly feel that something was still bothering him.  Fili stroked his dark hair, fingers twining in the curls that formed as it dried, but letting him talk in his own time.

“Mother suspects something’s going on…” he muttered, the words muffled.  Fili’s stomach dropped, and for a moment he felt quite sick.

“Does she know?” he asked, trying to keep his voice even.

Kili shook his head.  “I don’t think so.  She just noticed that I was covering my Mark, and kept trying to corner me and ask if something had happened with you.  I think she was more concerned that we got into another major fight and broke the Bond, more than anything else.”

Fili sighed, closing his eyes and pulling Kili closer.  “They don’t want to think this could happen,” he muttered, heart aching for his little brother.  He’d broken most of his ties to their parents, but Kili was still close to them, and it had to be killing him to lie to them.  “You just be careful, alright?” he said.  “Don’t let her know what really happened.  Let her think we had another fight if you need to.”

“You don’t have to tell me that!”

They fell silent again, listening to the gurgle of the stream and occasional chirp of birds in the surrounding trees as the day dragged on.  Kili sighed as he turned and curled around Fili, tangling their legs together in the same way they used to when they shared a bed.

“I don’t want to keep avoiding you,” he whispered, so quiet that Fili almost couldn’t hear him.  “I hate being apart from you, when I know you’re missing me as much as I miss you.  It hurts.”

“I know,” Fili said, continuing to stroke his soft hair.  “It hurts me too.  But we have to.”

“No we don’t,” Kili muttered rebelliously.  “We could leave.  We could find somewhere else to live, where no one knows us.  We wouldn’t have to cover our Marks or hide or pretend not to be speaking to each other.”

Fili groaned.  He had selfishly hoped that Kili wouldn’t make it to that idea.  “We can’t, Kili.  You know that.”

“Why not?  What’s stopping us?”

Fili was temporarily at a loss for words, all the arguments against that idea deserting him at the intensity in Kili’s gaze as the archer leaned up on his elbows to look down at him.   “Everything, Kili,” he snapped at last.  “You realize it would mean never seeing mother, or father, or uncle Thorin, or any of your friends again, right?  That we couldn’t ever come back here?  Not to mention that they would probably send people out to look for us, since we _are_ Thorin’s heirs, and they’d just drag us back.  Or worse, drag one of us back and exile the other one to keep us separate.  Did you forget being called ‘brother-fucker’ for years?  Or all those lectures about our ‘duty as heirs of Durin,’ Kili?  They won’t let me have you.”

It all came out in a rush, everything that frightened him about the idea that was otherwise ever so tempting.  He hated saying it, hated it so much that it physically hurt, and his voice rose with every word until he was yelling.  His fear turned rapidly into anger.  Anger at himself, for being so afraid of those things; anger at Kili for bringing up the solution that he didn’t dare consider.

Kili was opening and shutting his mouth soundlessly through the entire speech, disbelief and hurt sweeping through their Bond, and Fili instantly felt guilty.

However it didn’t take long for Kili to rally and shout right back.  “What do I have to do for you to realize _I don’t care_ , Fili?” he demanded.  “I do not _care_ what they say or do.  I won’t _let_ them separate us if they try.  Because I’m going to have you whether they like it or not.”

Fili pulled away.  “You can’t know that.  How would you stop them?  And you’re so young, you can’t be sure—“

Kili was scrambling to his feet, hurting and angry because of it.  “Why can’t I be sure?  I’m not that much younger than you!  I know what I’m feeling, and I know that this—“ he brandished his wrist in Fili’s face, shoving the brilliant blue colour under his nose “—is real no matter how young I am.  You’re being overcautious again.  Just like always!”

He didn’t say ‘coward’, but Fili could tell it was on the tip of his tongue.  He also could tell that this was just Kili reacting badly to being hurt.  Again.  And he had no idea what to say or do to make it better.  “Kili…” he started, reaching for his brother’s arm.  Kili slapped his hand away, stomping over to pull on his clothes.

“Kili, stop please?” Fili cast about for his own clothes, pulling on his breeches so fast he nearly tore them, ready to run after his boneheaded brother.  Kili paused at the edge of the clearing, biting his lip, clearly torn between stomping off in a huff and letting Fili apologize.  He was still angry, and Fili paused for a moment. 

His brother would take a while to cool off, but he usually forgave fairly easily.   Kili paced back and forth a few times, hands swinging in aborted gestures, before he turned back to Fili.

“I’m still mad at you,” he snapped.  “And at mother and father, and this entire situation.  But…” he sighed, running his hands through his hair, making it stand up in places.  “I still love you, and I don’t want to lose you.”

Fili started toward him, but stopped, hurt, when Kili skittered backwards.  “I need to…go,” he muttered, turning and heading into the trees at a trot.

Fili considered going after him, but stopped himself.  He didn’t stand a chance of keeping up with Kili in the woods.  His brother couldn’t hide from him, but he could certainly stay ahead of him.  With a sigh he set out for home, grabbing his shirt and the band to cover his Mark on the way past.  This wasn’t how he had wanted this day to end, with Kili hiding in the forest and both of them miserable.

He sighed as he passed the gates of the small town, determinedly forcing the worried expression off his face.  It was only barely past mid-afternoon, and he had more work to be done before the end of the day.

***

That night, Fili was awoken just after midnight by a light breeze over his skin, even though he was certain he’d left the window closed.  His half-asleep mind hadn’t decided whether he could make it to the rack of weapons in the corner before the intruder did when he realized who it was.

“Kili, what’re you doing?” he groaned, sitting up and stretching.  “Why’d you come in the window?  _How’d_ you come in the window?”

Kili sat gingerly on the edge of his bed, carefully not touching him.  “I wanted to come see you.  I snuck out.  And your door was locked, but it’s easy enough to climb up the shed wall outside and through the window.”

Fili sighed, holding out his arms, and Kili immediately snuggled in close, hands coming up to clutch in Fili’s hair as he buried his face in his older brother’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry about earlier, Fili,” he muttered, voice muffled by the skin under his lips.  “I was angry.  I needed to cool off.”

“I know,” Fili assured him, pushing him away enough that he could press a gentle kiss to trembling lips.  “What’s got you so upset?”

Kili shivered for a moment, avoiding his gaze.  Finally Fili put a hand under his chin and forced him to meet his eyes.

“Please don’t leave me again?”  It was plaintive and childish, and so full of fear that it took Fili’s breath away, and for a moment he did nothing but cling to his brother with all his strength.

“Of course I won’t leave you again, Kili.  I couldn’t.  I love you.  I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”  Fili closed his eyes, leaning into Kili, hoping with all his heart that his brother could _feel_ how much he needed him.  He hated himself for doing this to his usually so-confident little brother, hated seeing Kili doubt himself.  “I’m sorry,” he said, knowing that no amount of apologizing would ever completely fix this.

“I know you are,” Kili sighed, tension melting away as he turned his head, pressing his lips to Fili’s ear, then cheek, then nose.  “Can I stay here tonight anyway?”

Fili wanted to tell him no, to send him home.  Their parents got up early, they would realize if Kili spent the night somewhere else again, but…he wasn’t willing to let his brother go.  Not tonight.  He scooted over on the bed to make room.

“You know, when people leave their doors locked, most people take that as a sign that they don’t want visitors,” he reprimanded gently as Kili settled into the vacated space with a happy sigh.

“You don’t mind,” Kili said confidently, stealing a pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and criticisms are much appreciated! Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to leave kudos and lovely comments. I'm sorry I didn't get to responding to all of them last chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People are starting to notice the change between Fili and Kili. Kili has an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no excuse for how long this took, other than horrific writer's block. I hope some of my readers are still with me!
> 
> Shameless self promotion time! I'm signed up with the [AO3 fundraiser author auction](http://ao3auction.tumblr.com/koneko713). I haven't got any money to contribute to the cause, so I'm offering my talent instead. If you bid on me you probably won't have a lot of competition, and the money supports this wonderful site. Go bid on me or any other author on the list, please!

“Here, mother.”  Fili smiled as he handed over the pan he had finished the day before, near vibrating with craftsman’s pride.  She had asked for something he hadn’t made before, and provided a dented example, and he was pretty sure he’d replicated it perfectly.

Dis inspected his work, apparently not finding anything wrong either.  “This is excellent, Fili,” she said, grinning up at her slightly taller son.  “Exactly what I needed.  And what do I owe you for it?”

Fili hesitated for a moment before naming a sum about half of what he would charge another customer.  He knew he really should do work for her for free, but he did need to cover the cost of materials.  And there was still some resentment there for the issues he and Kili were having.  If he hadn’t had it instilled in him at such a young age that their Bond was wrong, then maybe he wouldn’t annoy Kili with his guilt and over-caution so often.

Dis handed over the coins readily though, and gathered her purchase.  “By the way, have you seen your brother anywhere?” she asked casually.

Fili shrugged.  “I’m hardly the one to ask,” he said flatly.

She glanced at him, exasperated.  “He keeps disappearing for the entire day.  Gets up when your father and I do and doesn’t come back until dark, not even for meals.  That’s not like him.  I just want to make sure he’s not getting into trouble somewhere.”

Fili bent to get out his cashbox, taking longer about it than perhaps he needed to.  “I’m sure Kili’s fine,” he said.

His mother didn’t seem entirely satisfied, but thanked him again and left anyway.  Fili breathed a sigh of relief, turning and heading back into the forge behind the shop, scowling at the figure seated on his workbench.

“You need to find somewhere else to spend your days,” Fili muttered, shrugging into his protective apron and pulling on his gloves.

Kili made a face.  “Just because she doesn’t know where I am doesn’t mean she’ll figure out I’m here,” he pointed out reasonably, squinting along an arrow shaft.  He had elected to sit on the work surface itself, with his feet on the seat, while he fletched his short, deadly arrows.  The scent of the glue he used on the feathers permeated the forge, mixing surprisingly well with the hot-metal air of the room.

Pleasant as the atmosphere was, Fili couldn’t get too relaxed.  “She’ll hear eventually.  Someone will see you and she’ll be told.”

Kili pretended not to hear him.  With a growl Fili stalked over to the workbench, scanning the list of orders he kept there, deciding which he would work on next.  He had the entire afternoon with minimal interruptions for his work, so he chose a sword that would take him a while.

He turned away to start on it, but was stopped by a hand gripping his sleeve and Kili craning up, asking wordlessly for a kiss.  Fili sighed, but complied with a small smile.  “If you’re going to be distracting you’ll have to leave,” he muttered against Kili’s lips, before breaking away and heading for his forge. 

As he heated the metal and beat out the initial shape of the blade Kili returned to his fletching.  He’d spent the last few days there, and Fili had thought he’d grown accustomed to his little brother’s presence.

Today, however, Kili had apparently decided to test the limits of the word ‘distracting’.  First he slipped off the workbench and inspected all the tools Fili had laid out for his work, accidentally-on-purpose getting in Fili’s way so their fingers occasionally tangled.

When Fili finally removed the glowing metal from the heat and started working the final edge onto it Kili picked up the silver wire he’d set aside for inlay on the hilt, and started tossing it to himself.  Eventually he missed a catch and had to scramble under the workbench to retrieve it.

Fili resisted the urge to comment that for all his skill at archery, Kili apparently lacked hand-eye coordination, and concentrated on his blade.  His mentor had taught him to disregard distractions, and never let anything like noise from the street or impatient customers affect the quality of his work.

However, Fili doubted that his mentor had ever had to compete with something like Kili rubbing against him like an over affectionate cat.

He paused in his hammering, glancing down at the dark head now resting on his left shoulder, Kili pressing flush behind him.  He sighed, returning to his rhythm, only commenting, “I won’t be careful of you, back there.  If you get hit, it’s going to hurt.” 

Kili didn’t dignify that with a response; they both knew it was an empty threat.  Instead his fingers crept up to Fili’s right shoulder and his other hand up beneath his leather apron.  Fili didn’t tell him to move, enjoying the touches, how Kili explored the way his muscles shifted and flexed with each blow of the hammer.

However, he couldn’t keep his body from responding quickly and enthusiastically to the insistent arousal that was pressed against his lower back.  Finally he had to put down his hammer, for fear of damaging the blade.  “Kili…” he said warningly.

Kili shrugged, pressing his face into the side of Fili’s neck.  “Can’t help it.  Don’t really plan on doing anything about it, though.  I just like to watch you.”

Fili growled, deep in his chest.  Kili clearly had no idea how close Fili was to turning around and taking him right there on the sooty floor.  They hadn’t had an outlet for their desires in a couple weeks now, after all.

Kili had been caught creeping home the morning after he slept in Fili’s bed, and they had decided it was best that he didn’t sneak out overnight again.  They had tried for a tryst in ‘their’ clearing, but instead had stumbled on a group of hunters disembowelling a freshly killed deer.

Or rather, Kili had stumbled upon them.  Luckily Fili was far enough behind his brother that they hadn’t seen him.  But the hunters had recognized and greeted Kili, wanting to show off their kill to one of their own, and leaving him without an excuse to run off again.  The incident had driven home to them how very lucky they were that they hadn’t been caught, that first time out. 

A few days after that Kili had shown up at the door as soon as Fili opened the forge, and had taken to spending a few hours every day with him.  They didn’t dare more than fleeting touches and kisses, not with customers coming in and out and the windows opening over the street.  Still, he had to admit, Fili couldn’t remember the last time he had been this deliriously happy.  Just having Kili around, with his wicked sense of humour and playful innocence, that was enough.

Just now, though, there was nothing innocent about the way Kili rolled his hips against his brother’s back, knees bending a bit to grind against Fili’s arse when he realized the effect he was having.  Fili dropped the blade and hammer heedlessly, turning in Kili’s embrace, capturing the archer’s lips and biting.

Kili grinned triumphantly, fighting back, trying to press dominance over his brother but submitting willingly when Fili refused to play.  The kiss went on for several moments, growing more heated with every second, hands creeping under clothes and soft moans swallowed between them.

Then the bell jingled, and Fili mumbled some very unflattering words about the cheerful sound.  It was Kili who ended up pulling away when it seemed that Fili wasn’t going to do so, stepping back with a muttered curse of his own.  The resentment and hurt was sharp through their Bond, though it wasn’t directed at Fili this time.

The older dwarf returned to his work, shoving the now cooling blade into the forge with more force than was perhaps necessary.

“Can I help you?” he called through the open door, hoping to find out who it was before deciding if he dared to face them with bruised and bitten lips.

“Fili?  Are we going to practice today?”

_Ah.  Oops._

“Sorry, Ori, I forgot.  C’mon back here.  I’ll finish up as fast as I can.”  Having Ori present would at least keep him from giving in to the urge to find out how many delicious sounds he could pull out of Kili before he had to go.

Ori came around the counter and entered the forge, smiling at Kili, who had hopped up on the workbench again.  Fili nodded a greeting to the scholar and turned back to pull his iron from the forge.  “I just need to finish roughing this out, and then we’ll go.”

“Can I come?” Kili asked enthusiastically.  Fili immediately started to say no, but Kili turned that face on him, the wide-eyed look of hurt and confusion that Fili couldn’t possibly resist.

“Fine,” he snapped.  “But you go over there before me and Ori do.  You _know_ why,”

Kili had opened his mouth to protest, but closed it with a sigh.  “I know.  Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” he said, sounding miserable as he picked up his arrows again.  He spun them in his hands, apparently checking the balance, and squinted along the shafts to check that everything had set straight.

Ori had watched the entire exchange with wide, sad eyes, and only now piped up.  “You know, it would probably do me good to practice against someone other than just you, Fili.”

Kili immediately looked up, an ‘I told you so’ gleam in his grin.  Fili sighed, though he couldn’t help responding to that smile.  Nor could he manage to sound stern when he said, “Don’t encourage him, Ori.”

He finished the blade while Ori and Kili chattered about a prank some youngster had pulled the day before.  Apparently it had gone awry, and the poor lad’s beard had ended up singed clean off.  Fili eyed the pair as they laughed, thinking that Kili (who kept his beard trimmed short for archery) and Ori (who barely had any scruff at all yet) didn’t have that much to laugh about.   However, from their continued conversation he gathered that this particular boy was not well liked to begin with, and that was a large part of why the pair was taking particular glee in the story.

Eventually he tuned them out, concentrating on getting a perfectly straight edge onto his blade.  Eventually Kili hopped down from his perch, planted a firm kiss on his startled brother’s mouth, and left.  Ori looked rather surprised by the exchange, but didn’t comment.

“Where’s he going?” Fili asked, deciding to follow Ori’s lead and pretend nothing had happened.

“He said he was heading home to get his sword and that he’d meet us in a practice court.  And that you’d know which one,” Ori explained, sitting down in the seat that Kili had been resting his feet on. 

Fili nodded, inspecting the blade.  It wouldn’t do it any damage to cool now and be reheated later.  He set it aside, shucking his protective clothing and trotting upstairs to fetch his own weapons.  He was halfway back down the steps when a flood of excitement mixed with fear hit him, so powerful he actually tripped down several of them.  He still wasn’t quite used to this, to sharing Kili’s emotions so clearly.

It also emphasized something Fili hadn’t noticed over the five years’ separation.  He had fallen into the habit of clamping down on his feelings, not letting himself think of them in case they showed on his face.  Kili _felt_ so freely and so strongly, whether it was excitement or happiness, frustration or love.  And Fili was slowly responding to it, opening himself to his brother again.

Ori was looking confused by the unexpected display of clumsiness, and the explanation “Kili’s excited about something,” didn’t help all that much.  He supposed no one who didn’t have a Bond could really understand.

Fili led the way to one of the practice courts, following the veritable beacon of nervous energy that was his brother.  He assumed Kili would have found an empty court, but when the pair entered it was to find Kili already sparring with one of his friends.  Watching from the sidelines were several more of their usual group, including one who had very pink, naked cheeks and chin.

Fili and Ori shared a glance, and Fili turned to look at his brother.

_What do you think you’re doing?_

As if sensing the thought, Kili shot him a quick smile that fairly dripped self-satisfaction.  Fili pretended not to see, drawing his swords and spinning one in each hand, loosening the muscles.  Ori had armed himself as well, and Fili swung at him without warning, ready to pull the blow if necessary.  It wasn’t, as Ori blocked him with a startled yelp.  He followed it up with dancing backwards and tripping over his own feet, but it was a start.

“Well done,” Fili told him, backing off.”  You’re reacting automatically just the way you should.  Now, attack me.”

Ori made a half-hearted, clumsy swing in his direction.  Fili didn’t bother to move, simply watching the war hammer pass by two feet from his chest.  “C’mon, Ori, hit me.  You know you won’t hurt me.”

The gentle scholar always had trouble with that.  He could get the basic movements down against the pells, and the defensive ones came to him eventually, but if it came to aiming for actual bodily harm he didn’t apply himself.  Ori made a face.  He knew exactly what he was doing wrong, and knew that if he didn’t work past it then Fili would set him to endless drills again.

He aimed another blow at Fili, one that the swordsman had to block.  “Good.  Very good.  Now again.”

The exchange went back and forth for several minutes, Fili relaxing as it went on.  Tension drained from his entire body, muscles easily falling into the patterns of various strikes and blocks, eyes tracking every movement Ori made, predicting the scholar’s next move.  Kili’s presence was a soothing fizz at the edge of his awareness, and he fell into an almost trance-like state.  He liked smithing well enough, but he was _born_ to do this.

Eventually he judged Ori to be tired, but still fresh enough to go again after a rest, and called a halt.  As he woke from his concentration on the bout he looked around for his little brother.  Most of the other group had left, leaving Kili and the dwarf with the singed beard over by the targets, discussing archery.  When the clatter of blows stopped Kili glanced over, meeting Fili’s eyes momentarily with a grin.  Fili scowled at him, not sure what had his brother feeling so pleased with himself.

“If you two are done for now, do you want to switch partners?” Kili called, apparently aiming the remark at Ori.  “Bruni here hasn’t worked much against war hammers.”

Ori glanced at Fili, apparently for permission, and the older dwarf nodded.  Bruni grinned, drawing a short sword and rolling his shoulders.  Fili got out of the way, leaning over to whisper in the other dwarf’s ear as he passed, “Go easy on him, please.  He’s not exactly a natural at this.”

Bruni gave no sign that he’d heard, and Fili leaned against the wall to watch the match start.  With a rustle of padded practice clothing, Kili joined him.

“What about you?” the brunet asked, voice completely blank and emotionless.  “Think you could take me on?”

Fili glanced over at him in surprise, but Kili appeared completely absorbed by the circling pair in front of them.

“Haven’t sparred with you in a while,” Kili continued, rather louder than was really necessary, in Fili’s opinion.  “I think you’re getting too sure of yourself.”

“What do you think you’re doing?”  Fili hissed out of the side of his mouth.

“Just go with it, please?” Kili responded, equally quiet.

Fili looked at him again, this time to meet calculating brown eyes.  “Unless, of course, you’re scared,” Kili taunted, certainly loud enough for Bruni to hear him.

_That’s it._   Fili stepped away from the wall, drawing his swords again.  He couldn’t very well back down from a challenge like that, especially in front of an audience.  Even if he knew that Kili was only doing it to rile him.  He watched as Kili drew his own blade, a short, angular thing, and Fili assumed a guard position facing his brother.

“No you don’t,” Kili said sternly, though his usual playful grin flashed across his face.  “One sword only, you cheater.”

Fili sighed, but carefully sheathed one blade and laid it aside near one of the racks of spare weapons lining the walls.  At the sound of clashing weapons he glanced over at the younger pair sparring.  Ori was slowly backing up under an onslaught of blows, but he was holding his own fairly well.

If it hadn’t been for the sudden movement Fili sensed through the Bond he would have been laid out right then, as Kili made a hilt-first swing at him.  As it was, he barely turned and got his arm up in time to block the blow.

“I can’t believe _you_ called _me_ a cheater!  At least you weren’t aiming the blade at me,” he muttered.  Kili smiled, unapologetic, and shifted his grip so he wouldn’t be striking with the hilt.  Fili attacked this time, smiling in response to Kili’s delighted laugh as he blocked.

Neither of them pressed the attack in earnest for several minutes, merely assessing.  When they were younger the strength of their Bond had made sparring a rather pointless exercise, since they could frequently guess the other’s next move before it was made.  Even now, there were elements of that in their dance of occasionally clashing blades.  Fili caught himself falling back into the trance-state he often reached while fighting, and tried to shake himself out of it.

He quickly realized that Kili’s reflexes were a bit sharper than the last time they’d fought, that there was a bit more weight behind his blows.  That said, he still didn’t have a chance against Fili.  He shot a feral grin up at his dark brother, pressing forward in a flurry of blows until he could lock their swords together hilt to hilt.  It was a move he’d pulled hundreds of times before, and one of the few things he could rely on to always beat his little brother.  He was prepared to carry through now, using his greater weight to force Kili to the floor.

He hadn’t accounted for Kili’s new height.  He may still outweigh his brother, but he couldn’t quite get the leverage to push him down.  Kili grinned as he turned Fili’s own move against him, bearing down with both hands on his sword.  Fili braced himself, pushing up in return, but he couldn’t do more than halt the slow shove downwards.

“Hmm…stalemate already?” Kili muttered, challenge in his eyes as he shifted his weight, trying to get any sort of advantage.

Fili grinned up at him, before twisting to dig an elbow into Kili’s gut and shove their locked swords away to the side, breaking the impasse.  Kili doubled over with a yelp, but still managed to smirk when he’d caught his breath.

“Alright then, if you want to fight dirty…”

A small part of Fili’s brain was screaming at him, that if Bruni was paying any attention at all this was _clearly_ not a match between two brothers who hadn’t spoken for five years.  They were far too comfortable with each other.

At that moment Kili charged at him, distracting his older brother with a swing from his sword even as he kicked Fili’s feet out from under him.  He connected, hard, Fili not having danced out of the way fast enough, forgetting how damn _fast_ Kili could be.  Fili went down, but an iron grip on Kili’s wrist yanked the archer down as well, both their swords clattering away out of their grips.

Fili’s blood was up now, burning with the adrenaline of the fight and the sensation of Kili Kili _Kili,_ feeling his brother in a way that was familiar from the time before their Bond changed.  Kili’s pulse was singing in his ears, breathless laughter thrumming in his chest as they grappled on the floor.

Kili had been disoriented when he suddenly found himself on the ground, but quickly recovered enough to roll them over with a tight grip on Fili’s shirt.  Fili used the momentum of the roll to get himself back on top, planting his knees on either side of Kili’s body and pinning his brother’s wrists to the floor.

“Yield,” he demanded, sitting like a rock on Kili’s abdomen and refusing to shift at the wriggling beneath him.  Kili strained up, managing to lift his wrists several inches off the floor before Fili leaned his whole weight into his grip and they smacked back down.

“Yield,” he repeated, smirking down at his brother as Kili bit out, “Never!” and writhed with even more determination.  Vaguely, Fili realized that the sound of clashing weapons had stopped, and he took a moment for a quick glance around.  Ori and Bruni had stopped and were watching the pair on the floor curiously.  Ori was shaking out one hand that had probably been targeted by a stinging disarm.

Kili arched under him, and his attention snapped back to his brother.  There was insistent desire clouding at the corners of his mind, and one look at Kili’s flushed face and darkened eyes told him where it came from.  Fili refused to show the fear that jolted through him, knowing Kili would pick it up anyway.

“We can’t sit here all day,” he said sternly, dropping his weight down to squash Kili back to the floor.  “Yield!”

Kili fought for a moment longer, then Fili caught the flicker of his eyes toward their audience, and he went limp.  “Fine, I yield,” he groaned, waiting surprisingly patiently for Fili to get off of him.  He _did_ refuse Fili’s proffered hand, surging to his feet and bounding over to Ori.

“How’d you do?” he asked, slinging an arm around the younger dwarf’s shoulders.

Ori sighed.  “Badly.  Fili, are we done for the day?” 

Fili nodded, eyeing Bruni, who met his gaze with a calculating look.  “Unless you’d like a round, Bruni?” he asked.  The other dwarf shook his head, sheathing his heavy short sword before leaving the room without so much as a goodbye.  Fili watched him go, wishing his could shrug off the odd expression the dwarf had been aiming at him.  Almost as soon as the door shut Kili was at his side, leaning into him as he glared after his friend.

“That was rude,” he muttered. 

Ori was watching them, looking confused.  “I do hope you aren’t thinking you two were being subtle, just now,” he said.  “I don’t think Bruni was paying much attention, but if anyone else had been here they would have been able to tell that something’s going on between you two.”

Fili sighed, looking up at his brother, whose mouth was twisted with frustration.  “What was the plan there, anyway?” he asked, trying and failing to sound annoyed.

Kili shrugged.  “I thought we could make a show of slowly making up in public.  Then I could at least spend time with you without people being too suspicious.”

Fili smiled.  “I like this idea,” he said slowly.  It was quite a good idea, really, and it was no wonder Kili had been so proud of himself for coming up with it.

Squirming with pleasure at his brother’s praise, Kili leaned down for a swift kiss, and Ori made a strangled noise.  “Well, you need to work on the concept of _slowly,_ ” he muttered, hanging his war hammer on a weapons rack and heading for the door, “because I don’t like having to worry that you two are about to…consummate your relationship on the practice court floor.”

Kili managed to wait until after the door closed behind the scholar’s indignantly stiff back before he burst out laughing.  “He sounded so _offended,_ ” he said through his guffaws.

Fili grinned at him, waiting for him to calm down before answering.  “Funny as he was, he has a point,” he said quietly.  “We should tone it down around him.  The one person who accepts us, we don’t want to disgust him.  And maybe not start with something involving that much physical contact.”

“I like physical contact,” Kili pouted at him, and pulled him in for another kiss.

Fili sighed.  “As do I, but we need to be more careful.”  Kili was backing him up, chasing his lips with more kisses, and Fili finally forced him back to an arm’s length away.  “What were you so excited about earlier?” he asked, changing the subject before Kili could tempt him more.  “It can’t have been only about your idea.”

Kili’s face lit up immediately.  “Oh, yes.  Mother just got a letter from Uncle today.  He says that he and Dwalin are going to be here in about a month.  And he’s eager to see how we’ve grown in his absence.”

That _was_ exciting.  Thorin hadn’t visited in almost a decade, not since before Fili’s coming of age.  But then, of course, another worry occurred to him.  “I hope he doesn’t ask about our Marks,” Fili muttered.  “I don’t know how you keep mother and father in the dark about it, when you still live with them.”

“I think they realize that their prying was part of the reason you left, so they’ve been leaving me alone,” Kili shrugged.  “You’re right, though, that we’ll have to be careful around Thorin.”

Fili sighed, wincing a bit at the bitter disappointment that coursed through his brother, reaching out on impulse to pull Kili into a tight embrace.  He couldn’t very well tell Kili that he’d left because he was afraid of what he might do to his little brother, not because of their parents’ questions.  But if it meant that Kili, terrible liar that he was, didn’t have to answer questions about their Marks, it was all to the good.

“We should go,” he murmured into Kili’s hair, giving one final squeeze before releasing him.  “Maybe you should go hunting for the rest of the day, so that you have a good excuse for not being home.”

Kili made his displeasure very clear, but he had to admit Fili was right.  He grudgingly agreed to meet Fili in the market tomorrow morning, rather than sneak into the forge.  It took them several minutes of fleeting kisses before they were willing to go their separate ways, and even then Fili almost couldn’t let go.  It seemed like every time he had to watch Kili walk away from him it hurt more.

***

The next day Fili finished an order, locked his shop door, and wandered into the mid-morning crowd in the town’s market street.  He did his best to apparently browse at random, always making his way closer to the beacon that was Kili.  He spent a few coins on silver beads to cap his braids, as he’d never been good at working precious metals himself.

The next stop on his deliberately purposeless wanderings was a glassblower’s display.  He absently picked up a lovely little figure, and turned it idly in his hands.  It was a pair of wolves, frozen in playful puppy-bows, tails waving lightly over their backs, fused together at both front paws.  There was incredible skill in the moulding of the icy clear glass, and he was debating giving it to Kili as a gift.  Obviously it wasn’t useful, like all the gifts they usually exchanged, but he liked the sentiment of it.  And everyone needed something pretty yet useless, right?

He ignored the voices coming closer, knew the moment the group spotted him by the familiar taunts about his light hair and still-growing beard.  He was quite used to tuning them out now, though he had initially hoped that they would grow out of their childish behaviour as they approached adulthood themselves.  No such luck, and today he didn’t so much as look up, running a gentle finger along one wolf’s back.  Then—

“—brother-fucker!”

The wolves shattered on the ground as his hand jerked, and he looked up with wide eyes at Bruni, who smirked at him before following his friends past the stall and down the street.  The glassblower was glowering at him, understandably annoyed at the destruction of such a lovely piece.  Fili stuttered out apologies, helping the woman to sweep up the shards and paying her for the trouble.

_Brother-fucker_.  He hadn’t heard that one in almost five years.  And he didn’t want to think about what the return of the insult implied.  He just wanted to talk to Kili now, but was nervous about doing so where that group might see them.

His mind was made up for him as he stumbled at a sudden jolt of pain through one knee, then through the knuckles of his right hand.  He had enough presence of mind not to follow his first instinct and sprint off to find his brother and take apart whoever had hurt him.  He still turned on his heel and headed straight toward where he could sense Kili, who was now so angry that _Fili_ was shaking with it.

By the time he found Kili, leaning against a wall beside a fruit seller’s stall and glowering at passers-by, it was over.  The only sign that anything had happened was the scrape on Kili’s knee, and the skinned knuckles that he was absently rubbing.  Fili bought himself an apple from the fruit stand, and joined Kili as casually as he could.

“What happened to you?” he asked, trying and failing to keep his voice emotionless.

Kili shrugged, scowl not lifting a bit.  “Just a minor disagreement.  Nothing to worry about.  I did myself more damage than they did to me.”

Fili sighed, biting into his apple and waiting for Kili’s rage to calm.  He didn’t want to turn his brother’s temper on himself yet again.  When he thought Kili was closer to being under control he pushed away from the wall, glanced around to make sure no one was paying them much mind, and muttered, “Follow me.”

He wandered into the nearest narrow alley, forcing himself not to check if Kili was following or not.  He got his answer as soon as he reached a deserted side street, when rushing footsteps came up behind him and hands grabbed at his shirt.  He allowed himself to be yanked into a rough, squeezing embrace, but stepped away far sooner than he wished, turning to face Kili.

“They didn’t go after you too, did they?” the archer demanded, looking Fili over for injuries.

“Got called names, that’s all,” Fili told him, grabbing at Kili’s injured hand and drawing it to himself to make sure only superficial damage had been done.

“Ah,” Kili looked slightly ashamed, drawing his hand back.  “That’s how it started with me.  Hanar said something inappropriate, I made a swing at him, he shoved me, I punched his hard head and scraped my hand.  I probably should have kept my temper, shouldn’t I?”

Fili shrugged, glad that the fight hadn’t been a big deal.  “Probably.  They’ll think we’ve both confirmed what they said.  I’m guessing he called you the same thing Bruni called me.  And my reaction wasn’t much better; I broke the thing I was holding.”

Kili’s scowl returned.  “He didn’t say anything about me.  He called you a pervert.”

“Oh, Kili,” Fili groaned, “That’s worse than if you hit him for saying something bad about you.”  Of course he couldn’t disguise the flash of satisfaction that Kili had been so determined to defend his older brother’s honour.  A grin flickered across Kili’s face at that thought, before being replaced by a scowl.

“This isn’t working, is it, Fee?” he said quietly, sounding abnormally subdued.

“I…not really, no.”  Fili couldn’t see any reason to deny it, especially when Kili would see through the lie anyway.  “But we’ll figure something out.  I promise.”

“We could still leave,” Kili’s tone was sullen, but there was a hint of hope there, and Fili sighed.

“Kili…” he said warningly, and Kili glared but subsided.

“I’m going to practice archery,” he murmured, looking hopefully at Fili.

The blond shook his head.  “I need to get back to work or I’d come practice with you.  We can meet there day after tomorrow?  Try not to get into any fights until then.”

Kili grumbled to himself before agreeing, something about how he wouldn’t get into any fights as long as Hanar and his friends didn’t start them.  Fili scowled at him until Kili promised not to punch anyone else, even if they deserved it.  He reached out to catch Kili’s hand and brought it to his lips, the way he always had when they were children and Kili almost always had scrapes or bruises somewhere.

Kili laughed, shaking his hand free.  “We’re not dwarflings anymore, Fee.”

“I’ll stop when you stop calling me that,” Fili said mildly, smiling up at him.  Kili made a face, but he was grinning as he bent slightly for a gentle, chaste kiss before trotting away up the alley.  Fili watched him go, thinking.  It would be so nice if people didn’t know them.  If they didn’t have to sneak and hide and pretend.  If they left…

He shook his head, hard, heading in the opposite direction from Kili.  They _couldn’t_ leave, and maybe if he gave Kili a calmer, sterner talking to about bringing it up, he might convince himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter should be out much faster than this one, and I have several things to publish in the meantime. This includes some scenes I've been writing that don't quite fit into the narrative of this story but I've had enough fun writing that I will include them in a separate set.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili's changing relationship hasn't gone as unnoticed as they hoped it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My deepest, sincerest apologies for this taking so long. I'm a bad author. I wonder how many people are still with me?

Their determination to keep from contact lasted all of one day.  Fili was working in the forge the next morning when a dark blur rushed in from the back entrance.

“Kili, what’re you—“

“Hiding,” Kili interrupted, already halfway up the stairs to Fili’s room.

“From wha—“ the door at the top of the stairs slammed shut, effectively cutting him off.  Fili shrugged and turned back to his current project, more nails.  Kili was nervous, but he wasn’t scared, wasn’t angry, wasn’t hurt.  He could keep for a while.  He’d probably just gotten into another fight with Bruni and his friends. 

Fili dunked his current nail into a bucket of water to quench it, shook it free of the nail header and laid the header on the anvil.  Grabbing his tongs, he pulled the thin rod he was using out of the forge and started on the next nail.  He had gotten faster at them over the years.  Taper, reheat, cut, reheat, beat out the head, quench.  The rhythm was soothing and familiar and gave him room to think.

What were they going to do?  Kili was already starting fights again.  The ‘brother-fucker’ insults weren’t going to go away.  In fact, they would probably get worse since, well, now they were true.  Fili carefully steered his thoughts away from _that_.  He still wasn’t quite ready to confront that aspect of their relationship, as much as he liked it. 

He was jolted out of his thoughts when his back door opened yet again.  Fili glanced up at the sound—and scrambled to catch the bit of hot metal that tumbled out of his tongs and onto the floor.  His father watched him grab it and stand again, and Fili forced what he hoped was a natural looking smile.  “Hello.  I didn’t expect anyone through that door.”

Nali’s usually open, friendly face was uncharacteristically serious, and Fili forced down nerves, refusing to show any visible signs of discomfort.  As soon as their father spoke, Kili’s fear from upstairs suddenly increased in a wave.

_Uh oh._

“Fili, have you seen your brother?”  Nali was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, and Fili stuck his half-formed nail into the forge to heat it back to workable temperature.

“I haven’t, no,” he said slowly.  It wasn’t a complete lie; mostly he’d seen a blur of blue fabric and brown hair whipping out of sight up his stairs.  Nali was clearly waiting for something further, and Fili finally broke the silence.  “I don’t know why you and mother keep asking me.  I don’t exactly keep track of him.”

His father tugged on a long blond braid, and it took all of Fili’s willpower not to mimic the self-conscious gesture.  “Your mother and I have realized that we need to have a talk with you two.  About your Bond.”

Fili felt cold, then suddenly burning hot.  He pulled his tongs from the forge, transferred the nail to the header, and set about pounding it mechanically.  He couldn’t think of any response, and finally Nali simply continued.  “I don’t know why you covered your Mark, or what happened between you and Kili.  I do know that you two seem to be able to be in the same room again.  And now Kili has started wearing a cover.  When I asked him about it he refused to talk to me.”

Fili gave a noncommittal grunt.  “I don’t really want to talk about Kili,” he muttered.  Also true; he couldn’t think of anything he _wouldn’t_ rather discuss with his father.

“Fili, if something has happened between you two—if your Bond has broken or…or changed—you know you should tell us, right?  We could help you with whatever you need.”  Fili quenched his finished nail, staring intently into his water bucket instead of facing his father. 

_What did he mean by that?_

“What would we—I—need from you, father?” he asked, voice shockingly steady for how much his hands were trembling.

“If your Bond broke we could support you.  It’s rare for Bonds to break but it usually ends up destroying the pair involved.  Often it’s too much for their minds.  Sometimes they go mad.” 

Fili shrugged.  “As you can see, neither of us has run mad,” he said, carefully neutral.

His father’s next words terrified him.  “If your Bond has changed, yours or Kili’s, I need you to tell me.  There are so many things you two don’t know.  It would be best if we had warning, so we could protect Kili.  Or you,” Nali added as an afterthought, looking very concerned.  “Are you alright, Fili?”

Fili’s mouth had dropped open, and he could tell by the cold clammy feel of his skin that he had gone pale.  “What do you mean, protect Kili?” he demanded after he swallowed the lump that squeezed his throat shut.  “I would never hurt him.  Never.  You should know that!”  His voice rose to a shout before he could control it.

Nali looked startled at the force of his reaction, but refused to back down.  “Fili, you _can’t_ know that.  Especially if circumstances have changed—“

“They haven’t!” Fili growled, reaching for his tongs and fiddling with them, just for something to occupy his hands.  His father was cutting far, far too close to the truth, bringing up his old terror.  He had been avoiding the thought for years, but he _could_ have hurt Kili, back when his Bond had changed.  What about what they were doing now? The kisses and heated touches, that day in the woods and the encounter in the forge.  What if he still _was_ hurting Kili?

_Kili’s Mark changed,_ he reminded himself. _Kili’s Mark changed and_ he _came to_ you. _You had nothing to do with that, you didn’t force him._

He pushed down the fear and the accompanying defensive anger, swallowing hard before looking up at his father.  “I wouldn’t hurt Kili no matter what,” he said coldly.  “I may not like being Bonded with my brother, but I wouldn’t ever do anything to harm him.”

Nali shifted again, looking more uncomfortable than ever.  “There are other issues if your Bond changed, Fili.  You know that,” he said slowly.

“It hasn’t,” Fili interrupted automatically, before he bit his lip and let his father talk.  Did he really think they weren’t aware of what their Bond meant?

“You are the only heirs of Erebor, after Thorin,” Nali reminded him.  Quite unnecessarily, Fili thought grumpily, but he stayed silent. “You two need to produce heirs of your own one day.  Aside from other…problems, I’m sure you can see why we couldn’t have you two Bonded like that.  If necessary, there are ways to force a Bond to break.”

Fili gaped at him, disbelieving.  “You just said that breaking a Bond can drive a dwarf mad!  You would really risk that so Kili and I could produce heirs?”

“The line of Durin must not be allowed to end with you!” Nali snapped.  “If that happened, if you two had that sort of…perversion, it would mean the end of Durin’s line _and_ the end of the people’s faith in the rule—“

Fili’s blood ran cold at the word ‘perversion’ and he felt sick.  Nali’s voice faded to a roaring in his ears and he staggered back a couple steps to lean on his anvil.  Kili’s words from the day before echoed in his mind.  _They called you a pervert._   Hearing it from his father took it from bad to unbearable.

“I want you to leave, now,” he said quietly, interrupting Nali’s continued rambling about the line of Durin. 

The older dwarf gaped at him.  “What?  Fili, like it or not, we have to talk about this.”

“No, we don’t,” Fili growled, chewing viciously on his own tongue when his next words died in his throat.  Nali’s face hardened, and he opened his mouth to say something, and that was what Fili needed to continue.  “We don’t need to talk about this.  You came in here and interrupted my work, then implied that I am not aware of what it means to be the heir of Erebor’s throne, and _then_ essentially said I might become some sort of…of pervert and hurt my brother.  There is no need for any more talking, and I want you to leave.  Now.”

“I knew it should have been your mother having this conversation,” Nali muttered, nervously tugging at a braid again.

“And I would tell her to get out too,” Fili said, voice strengthening with his conviction, and he repeated yet again, “I want you to leave now.”

“We will talk about this eventually.”  Nali turned to leave, but called over his shoulder, “When you see your brother, tell him I need to talk to him.”  And he was gone before Fili could think of any response to that.

Fili collapsed against his forge, then slid slowly down to sit on the floor, burying his face in his hands.  As soon as the door shut behind his father he heard a creak from the top of the stairs, and soft feet pattered past him to close the door to the shop and slide the bolt across.  He ignored Kili, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes until white stars burst behind his eyelids.  Kili trotted past to lock the back door as well, before joining his brother on the floor.

Fili ignored the hands that pushed and pulled at him, pulse roaring in his ears.  _Protect Kili, pervert, circumstances have changed…_ He groaned at the words circling in his mind, pressing harder into his eye sockets, trying to drown them out.  A sudden knee jammed into the small of his back made him jump and scoot forward automatically.

“What was that for?” he demanded of Kili, who was settling into the space behind him with new care for where his long limbs ended up.

The archer shrugged.  “Sorry, didn’t mean to.  But you wouldn’t move and I had to wedge myself in behind you, so really it’s your fault.”

Fili groaned, though he couldn’t help leaning back into the warmth behind even as Kili wound his arms around him.  “I couldn’t hear what he was saying from upstairs,” Kili murmured, warm breath brushing his ear.  “I think I can guess though.  He wants you to break the Bond too?”

Fili nodded, torn between taking the comfort Kili was clearly offering and pulling away.  The choice was taken from him when Kili sighed heavily, grip around Fili’s chest tightening as he buried his face in his brother’s hair.  “And will you?” he asked, voice surprisingly calm and steady.

Of course Kili couldn’t tell comforting lies anymore than Fili could, with the Bond transmitting every emotion clearly.  And Kili was scared now, absolutely terrified.  Fili reached up to hold Kili’s wrists, tucking his head back under Kili’s chin.  He knew what he was doing in this at least.  He could comfort his baby brother.  Just like always.

“Of course I won’t, Kili.  I would never.  I promised you I wouldn’t leave you again, and I meant it.”  Kili let out a low moan of relief, tension Fili hadn’t even realized he had been carrying melting out of his body and his weight dropped onto Fili’s back.

“I didn’t know if you would.  I thought…you might listen to him.  I mean, it is true that there needs to be heirs—“

“No,” Fili interrupted, surprising himself with his conviction.  “No.  I’m not breaking my Bond with you.  I love you.  I don’t know what we’re going to do about this, but that isn’t an option.”

He could feel Kili’s smirk against his neck, right before teeth sunk into his skin.  “I think Thorin should make his own heirs, if he’s so concerned about it.”  Kili’s voice was muffled and slightly slurred because he wouldn’t let go of the skin in his mouth, but the idea was clear enough.  It startled a laugh out of Fili, and he twisted his head to meet Kili’s lips in a kiss.

“We’ll figure something out, Kili, I promise.  I’m not leaving you.”  Kili drew away to grin at him.  Fili smiled back, shoving thoughts of his father out of his mind.  He had meant what he said.  No matter what happened, he couldn’t give this up.  He had no idea what he was going to do about it, but he couldn’t lose his brother again.

He pushed into another kiss, trying to keep it chaste, but he had to give in when Kili licked into his mouth with a whine.  The angle was awkward, with his head craned over his shoulder, but as always being with Kili made him feel better, more whole.  He was perfectly happy to sit here and trade languid kisses as long as he could stand the position, but Kili seemed to have other ideas.  He released his arms from around Fili’s chest and pushed Fili out of his lap, though he leaned forward so the kiss didn’t break until the last moment.

“Kili…” Fili said, failing to keep the pleading note out of his voice.

Kili grinned at him as he scrambled around to kneel between Fili’s legs, silencing him with a kiss and pressing forward until Fili’s thighs were hooked over his hips.

“I think you should take a break from work,” he murmured into Fili’s mouth, refusing to pull away.  Not that Fili was complaining much.  “You’ve been doing too much working and too much thinking lately.  Let me distract you for a while.”

For a moment the echoes in his mind were back, insisting _wrong, pervert, don’t hurt him._   The noise that Kili made when he leaned in though, the movement pressing their bodies flush and rocking their hips together, was enough to immediately convince him that Kili was very much fine with what was happening.  Kili’s mouth opened against his, and Fili tentatively responded.  Their most involved kisses had, until this point, been when they were both thoroughly distracted but now Fili was finding it…well, nice.  Tongues brushed before Kili was delving farther, exploring the surfaces of Fili’s teeth and the roof of his mouth.  Fili tolerated it for a moment before pushing himself, feeling much more in control as he was invading Kili’s mouth in turn.  Kili tasted like the fresh strawberries he must have had for breakfast.

Kili’s hands were scrabbling at the ties of his apron, awkward in their sitting position.  Fili glanced over his brother’s shoulder toward the door to the rest of the shop.  He couldn’t hear any customers, and the noon hour was usually quiet anyway…

“We should go upstairs, I think,” Kili whispered in his ear, before moving down his neck in nips and kisses.  Fili made a low noise of agreement, though he couldn’t bring himself to actually move, far more interested in the scratch and burn of stubble against his throat.  At last Kili muttered, “We’re going to make a mess of some of your orders,” and he had to go with a groan.

Fili stood and, on impulse, scooped Kili up.  The archer yelped in surprise, wrapping his long legs around Fili’s waist and smirked down at him.  “I’m taller.  Shouldn’t I be carrying you?”

“Still older.  I can carry my baby brother around if I want,” Fili argued, accepting the kiss Kili pressed to his mouth and trying his best not to bump Kili into anything as he climbed the stairs to his room.  He was mostly successful, only knocking Kili’s knee against the doorframe and swallowing the indignant squawk.  He kicked the door shut behind himself and paused for a moment.  He realized that they were above the main room of the shop now, with only the admittedly thick floorboards between them and any customers who may wander in.

Kili felt his hesitation and ducked his head to run his nose up and down the side of his neck, warm breath and scratchy stubble tickling unbearably. Fili fought back a laugh and gathered his strength to toss Kili onto the bed.  His brother stayed remarkably quiet as he bounced on the mattress, grinning widely up at Fili.

“Will you be joining me?” he said breathlessly, and Fili started over to do just that.  However, as soon as he came within reach Kili yanked him down to the bed with him, meeting him in a kiss heedless of bruising crushed lips.  Fili went willingly, anticipating groping over clothes and quick climaxes.  He did not expect to be manhandled up to lay against his pillows, and Kili to pin him with his lighter weight and force his mouth open with his tongue again.

            “Kili, what are you doing?”  Fili asked as soon as he was released, raising his head to watch as Kili slid down his body.  He tried halfheartedly to bat Kili’s hands away when the younger attacked the ties of his breeches.  Kili put up with it for a moment before mouthing at his cock through the fabric, successfully blanking out Fili’s brain.

“I’m proving that I’m not some kind of innocent victim here,” Kili said, pausing to nibble at the curve of Fili’s hipbone.  “And that I think I know what I’m doing more than you do, in fact.”

Fili grumbled at him but held still, allowing Kili to unlace his breeches and pull them down.  They shouldn’t be doing this; even with the window and door shut there was a chance someone might come in downstairs and hear them.  He bit his lip as Kili licked one long line up his freed erection.

Kili smiled up at him as he did it again—and again—and again, eyes fixed on Fili’s face.  Fili tried to keep eye contact for as long as possible before he let his head drop down onto the blanket behind him and tried not to writhe too much at the sensations, _so close_ and _not enough_ wailing in his mind.  Kili seemed to realize exactly what was going on, but instead of taking pity on him, simply used both hands to pin Fili’s hips to the mattress so he could continue without interruption. 

Fili couldn’t even say anything for fear of being heard.  It was maddening, and just as Fili was at the point of pleading for more, listeners be damned, Kili finally wrapped a hand around him and stroked once.  He drew it out, watching as Fili’s muscles trembled and he shook his head from side to side, clenching his teeth to avoid crying out.

“How quiet can you be, Fee?” Kili whispered, and immediately set about making being quiet as hard as possible, taking Fili’s cock into his mouth and pressing down as far as he could.

Fili let out a gasp as Kili misjudged and choked himself, tensing at the impossible pressure around his tip.  Kili drew back with a small cough, and he couldn’t help but whimper at the loss, chasing the pleasure with a small thrust of his hips.  Of course Kili gagged again, and the blond tried to pull away, hissing out apologies.

Kili managed to growl around his mouthful, and dug his fingers harder into Fili’s hips, forcing him to hold still.  The heady mixture of pleasure and pain rippled up Fili’s body, and he subsided again, realizing he should know by now that Kili was always going to get his way in this, along with everything else.

Left to his own devices Kili gave a few more experimental bobs of his head, before forcing himself down again and holding there.  His eyes clenched shut as his throat convulsed around Fili’s cock, and the elder let out a small noise that was very close to a squeal.  Kili pulled away to take in a shuddering breath, blinking up at Fili contentedly despite tears clinging to his dark lashes.

He looked entirely too pleased with himself, but Fili couldn’t do anything but pant, mouth hanging open slightly as Kili went back to long trailing licks, moving slowly downwards until his was tonguing at the seam between Fili’s balls.  He took one, then the other into his mouth, rolling them gently with his tongue and pulling away to smile at the way Fili’s legs quivered at the sensations.  Finally Fili couldn’t content himself with clenching his fingers in his blankets and reached for Kili.

“Kili, would you just—mmph!”  Kili had wrapped one hand around the base of his cock, holding it still and sealing his lips around the shaft again.  At the same time, without even looking, he brought his other hand up and slipped two fingers between Fili’s lips, pressing down on his tongue in an attempt to muffle his sounds.

Fili was completely unprepared for the jolt of pleasure that flashed through his body, arching his back and giving an accidental thrust even as he let out a whining keening breath through his nose and clamped his teeth down on the long fingers in his mouth.  Kili’s hand didn’t move, though it must have hurt, and when Fili’s vision cleared enough to look down Kili was staring up at him with chocolate eyes wide, eyebrows raised.  Clearly the archer hadn’t been expecting the reaction either, but even as Fili watched realization seemed to dawn.

If Kili’s mouth hadn’t been full he most certainly would have been sporting one of his devilish smirks, and Fili groaned out loud as he buried his hands in dark hair and tugged.  He couldn’t speak around his brother’s hand, but he didn’t even think of twisting his head to free his mouth.  Kili’s attention returned to the task at hand and he began to bob his head again, mimicking the motion with the fingers between Fili’s lips.

Fili’s eyes fluttered shut as he gave himself over to the sensations, laving Kili’s fingers with his tongue and suckling lightly at them.  Kili couldn’t be as enthusiastic as he obviously would have liked, forced to be cautious by his sensitive gag reflex.  The combined feelings of his mouth filled and wet heat around his cock were overwhelming him, burning through his veins and dragging whimpers from him around Kili’s hand.  Then Kili reached down with his free hand to cup and gently massage Fili’s balls, and Fili was lost.

He forced Kili’s fingers from his mouth and lifted his head from the blanket, gasping out, “Kili, going to…can’t…”  Kili looked up to meet his eyes, pushed down until he gagged again, and pushed his fingers deep enough that Fili could _feel_ them hit the back of his throat.  His throat constricted and tears blurred his vision but the feeling combined with the width of Kili’s hand pressing against his lips was so perfect that it sent him tumbling over the edge.  His hips stuttered up into Kili’s mouth, out of his control, and he let his head thump back as his orgasm wracked his entire body.

Kili choked a little on the thrusts and spurts of Fili’s release, swallowing convulsively.  A few dribbles of white leaked between his lips anyway, dripping down Fili’s softening cock as Kili finally pulled away with a wet gasp.  Fili collapsed back onto his bed, rendered limp and boneless.  He waited until the white faded from the edges of his vision before glancing up to see what frantic movements Kili was making to shake the bed so much.

Kili had yanked his trousers down and was fisting his own cock with single-minded determination, eyes clenched shut as he was already bucking into the grip and biting his lip to keep silent.  Fili reached out with one still-shaky arm to seize Kili’s wrist.  Brown eyes snapped open and fixed on his face.

“Just give me a minute,” Fili panted.  “Then I’ll do that.”

Kili looked startled for a split second, then his face split in the usual devious grin.  “I was wondering when you would stop letting me do all the work here.”

Fili didn’t have the energy to smack him, closing his eyes and waiting for the world to settle again before he sat up.  Kili let go of himself with a small groan and settled back on the pillows, a smile flickering around his lips as he waited for Fili, hands folded behind his head and legs spread languidly.  “Well?” he asked when Fili didn’t make any immediate move.

Fili didn’t bother to respond, instead settling between Kili’s thighs to bring his erection level with his face.  Immediately Kili stilled, waiting to see what he would do.  Fili glanced up at his brother’s face, answered his smirk with one of his own, and startled both of them by licking up from the seam between Kili’s balls to the very tip.  Kili’s legs trembled and his head dropped back with a loud groan.

“ _Quiet_!” Fili hissed, waiting until Kili’s eyes opened again and his brother looked like he had some semblance of control before he closed his lips around the head of Kili’s cock and teased with his tongue.  Kili shuddered all over but he didn’t let out another noise.  Fili pushed lower, loving the feeling of Kili in his mouth, silky warm weight on his tongue and pressing against his palate.

He bobbed his head experimentally, tasting Kili’s salty precome smearing across his tongue.  It wasn’t unpleasant, but certainly new, and different from his own taste he’d gotten from Kili’s mouth.  He repeated the motion, and was rewarded with another twitch and dribble from Kili’s cock, and a whimper from his younger brother.  He decided quickly that he liked this, Kili filling his mouth, and it was no wonder Kili had done this with so much enthusiasm.  His own eyes were going unfocused from the hot weight on his tongue and the pleasure resonating down the Bond from Kili.

A glance up showed that Kili had pulled a corner of Fili’s pillow into his mouth and clenched his teeth around the swiftly dampening fabric.  If that kept him quiet so Fili could continue, he was willing to disregard possible damage to his bedding.

Fili pushed down as far as he could, stretching his jaw open until it cracked, and the head of Kili’s cock hit the resistance of his throat.  He growled his frustration, sure he could take more than this, and on the next slide down he forced past that resistance, feeling his gag reflex protest but pushing past it until his nose touched the course curls at Kili’s base.  He couldn’t hold this for long—he’d thought he would be able to breathe through his nose but instead found his airway completely blocked—but oh it was worth it for the way Kili came apart beneath him.  His back _arched_ so dramatically Fili was certain it must hurt, though no noise escaped him.

Fili held that position for as long as he could, feeling his throat fluttering in protest to the intrusion, and pulled off at last to cough.  He barely got a chance to catch his breath before Kili was tugging at his hair, whining and trying to pull his mouth back down.

“Fee, please, feels so _good—_ “  Kili did manage to keep his voice at a whisper at least, and Fili gave him a small smile before he returned to the task at hand.  He wrapped his fingers around the base of Kili’s cock, holding it steady so he could lap around the head with his tongue.  Kili wriggled, pushing his hips up for more contact.

“ _Please_!” he hissed out, and Fili sealed his lips around his shaft and pushed down until his throat was filled again.  Kili bucked beneath him, clearly approaching climax already and trying to resist.  Fili watched his face twisting as he held back, and gave a small squeeze with his fingers, trying to push him over the edge.  On a sudden inspiration he shifted his weight, still bobbing his head over Kili’s cock, and worked his other hand down between Kili’s legs.  He pressed one knuckle behind his brother’s balls, rubbing and massaging to the sound of Kili’s gasps and muffled cries.

He _felt_ the pleasure that jolted through Kili, and backed off until only the head of Kili’s cock was within his mouth.  He didn’t think his gag reflex could handle Kili coming on top of everything.  He swallowed, closing his eyes as Kili bucked against his grip and his cock pulsed.

The first spurt of come startled him slightly, hot and oddly stringy texture on his tongue.  He barely resisted the urge to pull away and cough, sealing his lips around Kili and waiting for him to ride out his orgasm.  It took several moments before Kili finally relaxed again, hips subsiding back to the bed.  Fili sat up between his legs, making a face as he swallowed his mouthful.  Kili was watching him, eyes glassy and mouth open and panting.  He smiled and swatted halfheartedly at Fili, missing by several inches.

“It’s not that bad, don’t complain,” he mumbled, words slurring a bit and interrupted by his shallow panting.  He pulled at Fili’s hair and the elder complied, sliding up the bed until he could tuck his head under Kili’s chin and sling one leg over his body.  Kili very nearly purred, curling into him, breath and pulse slowing gradually.

Fili could feel his brother fighting sleep, apparently wrung out by his orgasm.  He stroked Kili’s hair, glancing at the window.  For as long as it felt like the argument with his father and then comfort from Kili had taken, judging by the angle of the sun it wasn’t past noon yet.  Kili could sleep for a little while, and Fili could stay here with him.  No one would be looking for him for a short time.  He drew Kili closer, waiting as he drifted off.

This was perfect.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy.  No pressure as the heir of Erebor.  No one to tell him this was wrong.  Just him and Kili.

Maybe Kili was right.  They could leave.  He could support them with smithing, Kili with hunting.  They could go far enough that no one knew them.   Not many dwarves in this area would recognize them as the princes of a shattered kingdom.  In fact, most wouldn’t even know their names. Kili’s voice echoed in his mind: _I think Thorin should make his own heirs, if he’s so concerned about it._ Thorin hadn’t found his mate, and even if he had, this Bilbo wasn’t even forty yet.  In the unlikely event that he managed to retake Erebor they wouldn’t be needed.

He let out a long sigh, disturbing Kili, who shifted and mumbled in his sleep.  Kili could sleep anywhere and any time, a skill Fili had always envied.

The more he thought about it, the fewer reasons he could come up with to stay.  What more could he want than Kili?  It's not like he asked to be a prince of some mountain he'd never even seen!   _I can barely keep up with Kili, how can I be expected to control a kingdom?_ he thought a bit petulantly.

At last he sat up, disentangling himself from Kili and re-lacing his breeches.  The younger rolled onto his side and slumbered on.  Fili realized he’d been staring at his brother with a stupid smile on his face for several moments.  He shook his head and stretched as he headed for his small kitchen, looking for something to cook.

He loved Kili, beyond the sexual, that he knew.  The thought of anyone hurting Kili pained him, and awakened a rage unlike anything he’d ever felt.  This devotion couldn’t be so wrong, could it?

This was probably something to think about later, he decided.  When his mind wasn’t addled by sex and love for his brother.  But he did think he had the beginnings of a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated!  
> I'm leaving on the 24th for the depths of the Wyoming wilderness for two weeks. I will do my absolute best to get another chapter out before then.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili comes up with a plan, but not everything goes the way he wants it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo so sorry. I cannot count the hours I have spent with this fic open, staring blankly at the word document. I have been just unable to write for some reason.

It seemed that while Kili had a tendency to fall straight asleep after sex, he only needed about half an hour’s nap before he was up and about again.  Before Fili had even finished preparing lunch for the two of them Kili was prowling around his sleeping quarters, prodding at weapons racks and examining the few keepsakes that Fili had brought from home.

“I should be offended, you didn’t bring anything with you that would remind you of me,” he complained, setting down a small dagger than Thorin had brought Fili the last time he had visited.

“I don’t need anything to remind me of you,” Fili replied, keeping his voice carefully light and forcing down the flash of guilt.  Of course, keeping any mementos of Kili would have made his goal of avoiding thoughts about his brother very difficult.

Kili made a face at him.  “I guess I should have known that you wouldn’t, since you were running from me.  Maybe I’ll make you something to keep sometime.”

Fili smiled.  “I’d like that.”

Lunch was a short affair, both of them gulping down their food as fast as possible so Fili could get back to work.  He could tell that Kili was eyeing him with concern, and did his best to avoid his brother’s gaze.  After the fog of arousal and post-orgasmic bliss had cleared he had no more idea what to do than he’d had earlier, and he could _feel_ his stress levels rising.

“I’ll go hunting this afternoon, claim that I couldn’t find any game close,” Kili said through his last bite, and Fili nodded. 

“Good idea.  I’ll try to figure out a way to avoid it if mother tries to corner me here.”

As if in response a knock from downstairs reverberated up through the floorboards.  Kili had had his mouth open to reply to Fili, and he snapped it shut as Fili glanced at him in horror.  “I’ll answer that,” he murmured, just loud enough for Kili’s ears.  “You stay up here.”

He took a moment to check that he was presentable, hair fairly tame and clothes in place before trotting down the stairs.  There was no way he could check who it was before opening the door, so he took a deep breath and flung it wide.

“I’m sorry, I was eating lunch, can I help you…”  His voice died in his throat.

Dis raised an eyebrow at him.  “I know you were eating lunch.  I can hear your and Kili’s voices.  Call your brother down please.”

“Oh, um, Kili?” he called helplessly.  His brother pounded down the stairs in a clatter, peering out curiously to see who it was.

“Is it Ori?  I said I’d practice my Khuzdul later, alright!”

“It’s not Ori, it’s Mother.” Fili told him, glancing over his shoulder and trying not to look too horrified.  While _he_ looked respectable, Kili’s hair was ruffled and his clothing askew.  He fiddled nervously with the band around his wrist, tugging at it as if to make sure it covered every trace of blue.

“I can hear you back there.  Will the two of you talk to me?” Dis asked, craning around Fili to see her younger son.  “I know you don’t particularly want to speak with either me or your father, but this is important.”

Fili glanced from his mother to his brother, breath coming faster, fighting down panic.  Kili’s face had gone hard and cold, and he snapped something at Dis, but Fili didn’t hear it.  How much longer could they keep this up?  Not long at all if they kept getting caught at this rate.  He wasn’t going to be able to keep Kili and keep it hidden.

Unless…

“You both have this wrong though,” he said, interrupting whatever argument Kili was having with Dis.  “You and Father.  It’s not to do with our Bond changing.  I had some problems, and I’ve worked through them, and we’re trying to fix things between us.  Getting talked at by you and Father isn’t helping matters.  Please, let us figure it out for ourselves.”

He crossed his fingers behind his back, praying desperately that Dis would continue staring at him and not notice Kili’s shocked expression over her shoulder.  He shot a smile at his brother, hoping to reassure him, as Dis’s expression flickered.  She seemed to be mentally backtracking, and thankfully Kili got his face under control before she turned to level a searching look at him.

“Alright, I guess,” she said grudgingly.  “I’ll talk to you both later.  Try to get yourselves sorted soon so your father and I can stop worrying.  Kili,” she beckoned her younger son over and straightened his hair in a businesslike manner.  “I expect you to bring us something for dinner tonight.”

“Yes, Mama,” Kili agreed, making a face as he submitted to the grooming.

Dis turned to Fili.  “I’ll still want to talk to you both eventually,” she informed him.  “Why don’t you come for dinner, say, the day after tomorrow?”

“Yes, Mother,” Fili nodded, and Dis leaned up on her toes to hug him.

“Don’t be late for dinner,” she ordered Kili, ignoring the way he rolled his eyes, and closed the door to the main shop behind herself.

Fili sighed with relief and leaned heavily against the thick oak wood.  Kili sat heavily on his anvil, entire body seeming to deflate as tension drained from him.  “She knows more than Father does,” he said slowly.

Fili nodded.  “She’s better at figuring these things out.  And you look like you just rolled straight out of bed, which probably didn’t help.”

Kili winced.  “Sorry, I didn’t realize who it was.  Or that she’d know I was here.”  He glanced after their mother and sighed.  “We’re really not going to be able to keep this hidden, are we?”

Fili took a deep breath.  “No.  We’re not.  But I think I know what we _can_ do.”

His initial fear—that Kili wouldn’t like his plan—was quickly assuaged, as Kili enthusiastically agreed to all of his points and offered his own ideas to some areas where Fili was still vague.  The brunet’s eyes were alight with mischief as they plotted, like they were dwarflings running sweets-heists again.  Fili couldn’t join his enthusiasm, tension coiling tighter with each smile of Kili’s.

Finally, they had no more details that needed fixing, nothing that couldn’t be changed at a moment’s notice.  Kili stretched as he stood, grinning and happier than he’d been in weeks.  “I have to get hunting if I’m going to bring anything back for Mama,” he said.  “I’ll even bring you something too, if you’d like.”

Fili nodded, throat closing around his words.  Kili turned and glanced at him in concern, not sure what was causing the distress he could clearly sense.  “Kili, you know I love you, right?” Fili forced out at last.

“Of course.  I noticed a few clues over the past couple weeks,” Kili laughed.  “Now what’s bothering you?”

“No matter what I do or say,” Fili said, pronouncing each word clearly and firmly, putting all the will he could muster behind them.  “Don’t you ever believe that I don’t love you, and that I wouldn’t give up everything for you.”

Kili frowned at him.  “You got serious all of a sudden.  What’s this about?”

“Nothing,” Fili tried a weak smile.  “I just want to make sure you know that.”

His younger brother laughed, trotted across to press a kiss to his lips, and exited with a jaunty wave.

***

Fili took a deep breath as he felt Kili approaching down the street.  He looked regretfully at the apple he had only nibbled at, and tossed it away with a sigh.  He was far too nervous to eat it now.  And he doubted greatly he’d feel better after talking to Kili.  The sun on his head and in his eyes was giving him a headache and combining with his fear and guilt to make him lightheaded.  He did his best to lock down on his emotions, knowing that Kili would feel them through the Bond, but he was sure he was leaking some.

He saw Kili before his brother saw him, the brunet wending his way through the market crowds apparently aimlessly.  It was obvious when he spotted Fili; his eyes lit up visibly and a wide, purely happy grin split his face.  He bounded over, clutching a ripe red apple in one hand and one of his own favorite strawberries in the other.  Of course he immediately proffered the apple, taking a bite of his own fruit.

“How’re you?” he asked around a mouthful of strawberry.

Fili closed his eyes, summoning up every ounce of anger he possessed, at his father, at Bruni and that group, at everyone who had ever looked at him and Kili sidelong, and exploded.

“Don’t you have anything better to do than tag along behind me?” he snapped, swatting Kili’s hand away.  The apple went flying and struck a passer-by in the back of the head.  Perfect, they had the beginnings of an audience.  Kili was gaping at him, struck speechless, brown eyes wide and completely uncomprehending.  Fili wasn’t done.

“Did it ever occur to you that I might want my own life someday?  That I don’t want being Bonded with my brother to mean that I can never escape from him?”  Kili was opening and shutting his mouth helplessly.  More of the crowd was turning to look now, some expressions appalled and others only mildly interested.

“What exactly do I have to do to get away from you?” he demanded, drawing himself up to his full height and stabbing a finger into Kili’s chest.

That finally got a response.  Kili’s mouth clacked shut and his arm fell back to his side.  Burning anger rose in his eyes and through the Bond, feeding back into Fili and shockingly making this easier.  “Well I’m sor- _ry_ if I’m ruining your image, oh perfect princess Fili,” he growled, voice low and shaking.

“Really, the ‘princess’ insults again, Kili?  When are you going to grow up?”

Kili _snapped._   “Grow up?  _Grow up_?” he shrieked, voice rising two octaves above normal.  “I should grow up to be like you, right?  Completely under _control_ all the time.”  He took a jerking step forward, raising a hand as if to strike, fingers clenching and unclenching spasmodically.  “Yes, I should _grow up_ to be just like you.  Empty, with less emotions than a _rock_ and never let myself feel anything again!  Or at least, never feel anything for anyone but myself.  Of _course_ that’s what I should aspire to!”

Fili had retreated under the onslaught of Kili’s emotions and physical threats, but after a couple steps he dug in his heels and refused to move even when Kili was shouting from inches in front of his face.  He waited for his brother to pause for breath, the red flush of anger high in his cheeks and eyes fairly flaming with barely contained rage.  “At least it’s better than being a spoiled, immature brat!” he snarled.

He thought he might have gone too far.  The flush drained from Kili’s face in a matter of seconds, and his brother’s entire body tensed.  Fili braced himself for a blow or even to be bodily tackled, but Kili turned on his heel and stalked away, back rigid and fists clenched.  Fili growled after him and turned the other way, stomping toward the practice courts.  The crowd parted before him, no one wishing to risk his wrath.

When at last he reached the indoor practice courts he slammed the heavy door behind himself and leaned heavily against it.  He could still feel Kili’s rage pulsing through the Bond, but was fairly certain his brother had left the town.  He rubbed a hand across his eyes, shaking uncontrollably.  Had Kili meant what he’d said?  Did Kili really think that badly of him?  _He was being the brat I accused him of_ , Fili thought grumpily, finally pushing off from the doors and heading for the racks of dulled practice swords.  _He can’t have meant it_.

Still, the violence with which he attacked the pells stemmed not only from Kili’s anger but from his own as well.  He would have thought to be apologetic, to try to make Kili see through the Bond that he hadn’t wanted to cause that fight, but at the moment all he could do was run Kili’s words over and over in his mind.

Ori was lucky that he’d worked so hard on his reflexes over the last few years; when Fili turned at the sound of the door opening and flung the practice blade at his head he ducked it easily.

“Don’t go attacking me!” the young scholar shouted from the floor, covering his face with his arms as Fili swore at him and grabbed another sword from the rack.  “Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage today?”

“I’m not going to attack you,” Fili growled, turning back to the pells and sending wood splinters flying in his ferocity.  “I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.  Get out.”

“No,” Ori said, firmer than Fili had ever heard him.  “Not until I know you’re going to make this right.”

“I don’t need to make anything right,” Fili hissed, his next blow going wild and jarring his wrist painfully.  “I know what I’m doing.”

Ori stepped between him and the pells, nearly getting his ribs broken for his trouble.  “You’re going to make this right because you and Kili have something amazing in your Bond and I’m not going to let you throw it away.  You can’t take this and just stomp all over it and break his heart.”

Fili sighed, finally lowering his sword and flexing muscles that cramped from too much exertion with no warm up.  “I’m not throwing it away, Ori,” he murmured.  “I’m doing this for Kili, for the Bond, believe it or not.”

Ori’s glare softened minutely.  “It was a fake fight?”

“Kili doesn’t know,” Fili sighed, scrubbing a hand across his eyes.  “If I warned him then he would have given it away.  He’s a terrible actor.  It’s better to have him mad at me for a few days than for everything to be ruined.”

Ori glared at him for a long moment, before punching his arm, hard.  “Ow!” Fili yelped, more out of surprise than pain.

“You better have a good plan for making this up to Kili,” Ori informed him, shaking out his fist.

“I do!” Fili said defensively.  “I think I do, anyway,” he muttered, after Ori turned to leave.

***

Just after sunset the next day Fili made his way through town to his parents’ house.  He knocked lightly at the door to the back room, their living quarters, before entering.  Dis looked up from the soup she was stirring and greeted him cheerfully enough.  Kili wordlessly dropped the arrow he had been fletching at the table, grabbed his bow and quiver from beside the door, and stomped out.

Fili flattened himself against the doorframe to avoid his brother’s swinging elbows, glancing up to meet his mother’s helpless gaze.  “I heard what happened between you two in the market,” she started hesitantly.  Fili sighed, tugging nervously at a braid.

“I wanted to talk to you about that, actually,” he said, clearing his throat when she raised an eyebrow at him.  “Where’s father?  Both of you should be here for this.”

It didn’t take long before Nali returned, still covered in mine dust and blinking in the bright lamplight of the kitchen.  He greeted Fili with a nod and dropped into Kili’s vacated chair with a tired huff.  “You look serious,” he commented to Dis.

“I don’t think Kili will join us for dinner,” she said blandly, ladling soup into a large serving dish and setting it in the center of the table.  “And apparently Fili has something to tell us.”

Both of them turned their attention to him, and Fili cleared his throat self-consciously.  “I’m leaving,” he said bluntly.

His parents glanced at each other, Dis frowning.  “If this is because of the fight with Kili,” she began, but Fili interrupted her.

“That’s part of it,” he said.  “But I just need space from my family as a whole, I think.  I can move to that town to the north, the one where Thorin got all those commissions from the humans.  Maybe I can try again to make up with Kili in a few years.”

As he’d expected, his parents both looked very disappointed; but they didn’t argue, which was more than he’d hoped for.  Dinner was tense and seemed to take forever.  Fili shoved his food around his bowl, only managing to down a few bites.  He could still sense Kili on the periphery of the town, his brother’s anger resonating sharply through to him.

“When will you be leaving?” his father asked finally, as Fili was helping his mother clean dishes at the sink.

“As soon as possible,” he said.  “If I stop taking orders now I can finish all my current ones in ten days, and have time to get my things in order and pack.”

“You’ll miss Thorin’s visit then,” Dis commented.

Fili shrugged.  “If he wants to see me he can continue north.”

They didn’t have many other arguments.  Kili’s continued absence clearly worried both of their parents, and the atmosphere was very subdued.  Fili departed as soon as he could, excusing himself to get an early start on his work the next day.  They let him go with promises of help getting his possessions packed, and his mother offered to help look for a pony he could purchase to carry his things on the road north.

His attempt to force himself into early sleep was far from successful.  He managed it at first, when he could feel Kili return within the bounds of the town.  However, it was only a few hours before he was awoken, fear burning through his veins and heart thudding in his throat.  It took a long moment of disorientation for him to figure out what was happening.  _Kili’s_ _nightmares_.  It had been almost half a decade since he’d dealt with the overflow from them.  They hadn’t happened since the Bond had reopened, and Fili had a sneaking suspicion he knew why they had returned now.

For a moment he was so overwhelmed with guilt that he couldn’t even begin to do something about the terror still coursing through him.  He rolled over to his left side and pressed a thumb into the still-vibrant blue of his Mark, breathing slow and deep and forcing his muscles to loosen one by one.

The fear ebbed bit by bit, and at last Kili’s presence in his consciousness faded back into the indistinct wavering of sleep.  Fili lay awake for long hours more, staring up at the darkness of his ceiling.

***

Exactly ten days later saw Fili leading a laden pony out of the gates of their small town just as the sun cleared the horizon.  His parents had come to see him off, and Dis had even dragged Kili along in an attempt to wrangle some reconciliation from them before he left.  Kili refused to look at him, standing with arms folded and studiously examining the gatepost, back turned to his family.

If it hadn’t been for the still clear blue of his Mark Fili would have been panicking.  What if he’d miscalculated?  What if Kili was really so mad at him that he would abandon the plan?  _Was_ this part of the plan?

He luckily didn’t get much time to worry about it, as Dis enveloped him in a firm hug.  He hadn’t seen tears on her face before but he could feel telltale wetness against his shoulder before she drew back.  Nali shook his hand, face impassive, before Dis jerked her head at him and he gave in to a hug as well.

“Kili, won’t you say goodbye to your brother?” Dis finally snapped, after several awkward moments in which Fili shifted uncomfortably and glanced at the road before him, anxious to be gone.  Kili glanced over, grunted something that might have been a farewell, and their eyes met for the first time in more than a week.

That was a mistake.  Kili flinched and turned away, but not before Fili saw the pain and anger in his gaze.  For a split second he nearly gave everything away, nearly rushed to apologize and beg Kili to come with him.  Instead he nodded to his parents and grabbed his pony’s reins, turning and leading her through the gate of the town, past the looming shadows of the walls, heading north for the higher peaks.

He didn’t look back until he reached the bend in the path that took him out of sight of the town walls, and by that time Kili had already disappeared.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry guys. Such a long wait and then a super short chapter that's 85% smut. I hope I still have some readers somewhere.

Fili continued north at a rambling, sedate pace, keeping his pony moving just fast enough that she couldn’t pause to graze on the tufts of summer grass at the wayside.  She gave him an affronted look when he pulled her head up for the third time, and blew grass-scented breath in his face.  “We won’t be going very far, girl,” he promised her.

True to his word, when the sun was halfway up the sky he turned from the path, heading right into the pine woods.  The pony snorted as branches clawed at her flanks, but she was too old and placid to make much of a fuss.  Fili led her down a deer trail towards the rising sun, wending through the trees in the direction of the clearing by the stream.

He couldn’t camp there, of course, but it would at least give Kili a place to start.  A few yards away was another small clearing, one screened mostly from sight through a thicket of juniper.  He pulled all of the baggage off the pony and tethered her to a tree with plenty of range to graze.  He located his own rarely used bow in the packs and set off to find dinner.  He was a good shot, but not anywhere close to Kili’s skill, so there was a fair chance it would take him until late to locate and kill something.

He had his packs of food on the pony, of course, but his mother had packed for the four-day journey to the village in the north, and if all went well he was going to be on the road significantly longer than that.  Fili spent the rest of the day hunting, skinning, and dressing his catch, and building a fire to cook them.

Still no sign of Kili anywhere.  When the sun went down Fili started to grow concerned.  Maybe he’d overdone it, maybe the fight had been too much…

He stared at his fire moodily, occasionally prodding at it with a stick.  He could stay here overnight, but after that he’d have to move on if he wanted to avoid suspicion.  Kili had shut him out, and all he could tell from his bond with his brother was that the younger hadn’t left town yet.  At last he banked the fire to keep it overnight, rolled himself tightly in his cold bedroll, and fell into an uneasy sleep.

***

When he woke it must have been hours later, as the moon was filtering brightly down through the tree branches above him.  At first he wasn’t sure what had disturbed him, as the pony was slumbering peacefully with her head hanging, and the fire still smouldered low and red in the centre of the clearing.  It took several seconds of blinking and peering around through the gloom before he recognized the distinct strength in their Bond and spotted the slim figure leaning against a nearby tree.

Kili stepped forward into the moonlight, arms crossed across his chest as he glared down at his brother.  Fili started to his feet, but froze as Kili raised a hand with a snarl. 

“Kili,” he began, confused and slightly frightened by the angry light he could see in Kili’s eyes. 

The younger didn’t move a muscle for long moments, staring him down.

“Kili, what are you doing?” he asked, trying to keep his tone low and firm.

Kili’s fingers clenched and released as he slowly lowered his hand.  “Deciding whether or not I’m actually going with you,” he growled.

Fili started up again, this time ignoring Kili’s hiss of warning as he pushed up to his knees.  “I’m sorry about the fight, Kili,” he whispered, stretching out his hand to his brother, feeling Kili’s rage pounding against his resolve.  “I couldn’t tell you.  If I had warned you, would you have been able to act as angry with me as you did?”

“Yes,” Kili answered instantly.  “You seriously underestimated just how angry I was.  You didn’t bother to think of me in your plans.  Again.  Just like five years ago!”

Fili winced at the reminder.  “I just want to protect you,” he protested.

Kili snorted.  “Yes, well, I don’t need your protection.  Stop it.”  He took a step closer, looming over Fili where the elder knelt on the ground.  “Start treating me like an adult, Fili!”

The blond nodded, unable to defend himself in the face of Kili’s pounding fury.  “Are you still coming with me, then?” he asked quietly, tonelessly.  “I can continue north like I told our parents, and we can try again in a few years.”  He deliberately kept all inflection from his voice, waiting for Kili to make his decision alone.

Kili wavered for a moment, scowling down at him as he tried to read Fili’s emotions through the Bond.  Brown eyes met blue, and Fili grasped for his rapidly fraying control, refusing to let what he wanted influence his brother.  He _couldn’t_ take advantage of Kili, couldn’t let him do anything he wasn’t absolutely sure that _Kili_ wanted.

Whatever Kili sensed from him was apparently enough to make up his mind.  With a groan of annoyance he dropped to his knees and yanked Fili into a violent kiss.  Fili blinked, startled, and tried to reciprocate, hands coming up to grasp frantically at Kili’s elbows.  The brunet growled, pushing into him hard enough that Fili toppled backwards into his bedroll with a huff.  Kili loomed over him, covering his body entirely with his own as he bit down on Fili’s lip hard enough to split it.

Fili hissed at the pain, shoving ineffectively at Kili’s chest and _mewling_ as his younger brother grabbed his wrists and pinned them tightly to the ground.  It was like their first night in its frantic urgency, but the way the anger still radiating from Kili blended with the arousal pounding through Fili’s veins was intoxicating.

He tried to quash it.  Surely Kili was still furious with him, he couldn’t want to do this now.  How did he know Kili had ever _really_ wanted him like that?  What if Kili was just picking up what he wanted through the Bond and following through—

Kili’s teeth sank into his earlobe with enough force to bruise.  “Don’t do that,” he growled, forcing Fili’s knees apart with his own and sinking down to press the length of his body into Fili’s.  “Don’t you dare shut me out again.  I want to feel every…last…thing you do.”  He punctuated each word with a sharp thrust that rocked his hard erection into the cradle of Fili’s hips, sending the elder arching and keening helplessly.

He blinked open unfocused eyes to meet Kili’s dark ones staring down at him.  Kili’s gaze flickered over his face, apparently trying to read him, and the blond looked away helplessly from the intensity he saw there.

For a moment, he wavered, still questioning, but then Kili moaned hot against his ear and shifted until he could feel his brother’s hardness through his clothes.  He was right when he said that he was an adult now, and surely Fili had to trust him?

He sucked in a deep breath through his nose—and let his barriers fall.  First just letting Kili in, just no longer concentrating fiercely on blocking his brother out of their Bond.  He could feel Kili’s surprise at the sudden deepening of the already strong connection.

As Kili reared back slightly, Fili let all his fears rush to the front of his mind.  The itching anxiety about what others would think of them, what _Thorin_ would think of them.  And following that, the deeper terror at the thought of loosing Kili for good.  At that Kili let out a small gasping sound and his fingers dug sharply into Fili’s skin.  The elder shuddered at the release of tension, bucking up to regain full body contact with his brother.

Somehow Kili made the terror less, internalized and reduced the fear while he pushed Fili into another rough, biting kiss, laced with the conviction that Kili was never, ever going to leave him.

Fili went limp under his brother, all tension melting out of him with the sudden reduction of his fears.  Kili drew back for a moment, apparently processing what he’d just been given.  Fili let his head fall back with a thump, and for the first time in one of these moments allowed himself to simply _feel_.

Kili felt so good hovering over him, warm heavy weight against his chest, a shield and protection against the world.  And with his brother here, everything open through the Bond, the other half of his soul pressing down into him with a whine, he felt more complete than he had in years.

Kili moaned, low against his mouth, and tucked his head under Fili’s chin with a shuddering breath.  “Filiii,” he whined, bucking forward into him hard enough to slide him a couple inches across his bedroll.  “Fili, why…” Kili’s entire body shivered, and Fili came back to the present enough to gently pull his wrists from under Kili’s slackened grip and run soothing hands up his brother’s sides.

“Kili, are you alright?” he asked, concerned as Kili pushed his nose harder into his neck.

“I didn’t…how did…you kept me from knowing all of this?” he asked haltingly.

Fili sighed, tangling his hands in long dark hair and pulling his brother up away from his throat to meet his gaze.  He was startled to see the beginnings of tears in the dark eyes looking back at him.  “What is this?” he asked, leaning up to press a kiss to trembling lips.

“You blocked me out,” Kili whispered, looking away determinedly.  “I didn’t know you felt the same.”

Fili groaned at his words, hauling him down for a real, deep kiss.  “How could you think I didn’t feel the same?” he murmured.

Kili growled and nipped at his lips, and Fili huffed as he tasted a small trickle of blood again.  “How could I think that?  Maybe because you caused a fight in front of the entire town?  And completely blocked me out for the next week?  How was I supposed to know you still wanted me to follow you?”

“I just wanted to protect you from it,” Fili whined as Kili’s nibbling teeth worked down his neck.  “It was hard enough for me to pretend, I couldn’t ask it of you as well.”

Kili growled, and his teeth sank deep just above his collarbone.  “You can stop now.  No more hiding, no more pretending.  Never again.”

Fili blinked, trying to pull him back and yelping as his wrists were slapped back to the ground at his sides.  “Stop doubting,” Kili mumbled, licking lightly over the teeth marks he’d left.  “I’m coming with you.  We’re leaving and neither of us ever has to lie again.”

Fili froze, non-comprehending, then tried to crane his head to look at his brother.  Kili chased him back down with kisses, scrambling out from between Fili’s legs and straddling him while still keeping his wrists pinned to the dirt.

“I’m still angry with you,” Kili clarified, rocking against Fili’s hips as he nibbled at his earlobe, tonguing at the bruise he’d left earlier.  “But you are now _mine_ to do whatever I want with.”

Fili squirmed under him, biting his lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises as his returning erection ground against his brother’s ass.  Kili chuckled against his skin, breath raising goose bumps in its wake.  He shoved at Fili’s wrists until he could wrap long fingers around both the elder’s arms, gripping them both over Fili’s head with one hand.  Fili tugged experimentally at the grip but desisted with a mewl when Kili’s freed hand trailed down and worked at the ties of his shirt.

He tried again to escape when those fingers crept up underneath the loosened fabric, whining as Kili bit at his collarbone in admonition.  “Wanna touch you, Kili,” he complained, arching his back to drive his hips up into his brother’s.

“No touching,” Kili mumbled around his mouthful of skin.  “Only me this time.”

Fili relented, but didn’t stop rolling his hips insistently.  Kili yanked at his breeches, growled when he realized he couldn’t undo them one-handed at this angle, and instead palmed Fili roughly through the fabric.  The blond groaned, all the fight going out of him when he got the friction he’d wanted.

“You’re going to tell me before you do anything that affects both of us from now on,” the younger murmured, rubbing lightly, infuriatingly over him.  “No more making decisions on your own.  We’re in this together.”

Fili nodded, wordless as the pressure from Kili’s hand increased incrementally.  Gasping breath through his nose wasn’t enough anymore, and he was reduced to open-mouthed panting as Kili shifted so he could drag the hard length in his own breeches across his brother’s.

The brunet reached up to separate Fili’s wrists again, and tug the knitted band off of the left one.  “Mine,” he muttered, mouthing hot over the name on Fili’s wrist, warm contact sending chills up Fili’s spine, and he arched again with a high whine.

“Yours,” he replied, exhaling slowly as Kili nipped at the sensitive skin.  Kili tried to rock against him, huffing as he realized that the way he was straddling Fili meant his ass rubbed teasingly over the entire length of the elder’s cock, but he couldn’t get any friction where _he_ wanted it most.  Fili smiled a little as Kili squirmed in consternation.  He waited until Kili was off-balance before he pushed up, twisting to flip their positions and grin down at Kili’s startled face.  “And you’re mine,” he said triumphantly, leaning down to nip at Kili’s neck and feeling, both physically and mentally, the delighted shudder that ran through his brother’s body.

He rutted his hips between Kili’s legs in reward for the inarticulate babbled response he got, and Kili’s head tipped back in silent request for more.  Fili obliged, hesitating for a split second before he leaned down and sucked a dark red mark into the side of Kili’s throat.  He had to fight the small part of him that screamed that they couldn’t, they still had to hide, but he quashed it mercilessly.  _No more hiding, no more pretending._

Kili was keening beneath him, lifting his wide-spread legs from the ground until he got the angle just where he wanted it, hands fisting in Fili’s loosened shirt.  “Fili…don’t stop…Fee, please!” he hissed between ragged breaths.  _Demanding_ ,Fili thought, but he didn’t voice it out loud.  Especially not when he raised his head to look down at Kili, met dark eyes fixed on his face, and groaned at the emotion he saw there.  It was arousal, yes, but also adoration, plain and simple, and if he needed any further confirmation he could feel it pure through the Bond.

“Mine,” Fili hissed, leaning down to kiss him hard, feeling the rush of arousal at his words as Kili bucked against him.  He planted his elbows on either side of Kili’s body, panting against the brunet’s neck.  Kili was burning heat even through both of their breeches, and Fili thrust into and against that heat, not even bothering to try to remove any more layers.  Not when they were both flying closer to the edge with every second.

Kili’s hands scrabbled at his back, digging into his skin through his shirt as Kili tried to pull him closer, little whimpers escaping his throat as he curled his legs higher and oh Fili wanted to see him spread on soft sheets, open and wanting and desperate as he was now.  The thought of Kili arching, pleading, wanting beneath him was enough and he leaned in just as Kili’s mouth opened, swallowing his loud cry.  He wanted to keep his eyes open, watch Kili’s face as he came, but they slid shut of their own accord as he felt Kili’s cock pulsing against his through the fabric.  He tried to keep their mouths sealed together, but he was torn away as he shuddered through his orgasm, and Kili curled up to push his face into Fili’s neck.

They stayed like that for long moments, entangled and pressed as tight together as they could manage, until their breathing evened out.  Kili gently unhooked his legs from behind Fili’s, and his head fell back to the bedroll with a long sigh.  Fili lowered his head until he could rest against Kili’s shoulder, waiting for the pounding of his heart to slow.

He could feel Kili’s pulse calming, and pushed himself up on shaking arms to look down at his brother.  Kili stretched beneath him, apparently unconcerned by the mess they’d made of their trousers, eyes hooded and bleary with pleasure.

“We should probably get moving tonight,” Fili said reluctantly, starting to untangle himself from their mess of limbs.  “They’ll be out looking for you in the morning.  We should probably try to be far away by then.”

Kili groaned a protest and hooked his ankles behind Fili’s knees, pinning him in place.  “No they won’t,” he muttered, yawning so widely that his jaw cracked audibly.

Fili squirmed, trying half-heartedly to dislodge him.  “You know mother notices when you miss meals.  They’ll look for you as soon as you don’t come down for breakfast, and they’ll probably guess that you might have followed me.”

“Won’t.  Now stop moving,” Kili grumped, looping his arms around the elder’s shoulders and holding him down.  “I left a note saying I was leaving early for a hunt and wouldn’t be back for a few days, and I messed up the bedding so it looks like I slept in it.  And I folded up winter quilts and put them in my drawers under my clothes so they can’t tell how much I packed.”

Even through the sleepiness fogging his emotions, Kili was unbearably smug.  Fili craned to look at him, and Kili smiled.  “You’re not the only one who can be clever,” he said, clenching his teeth on another yawn.

“You knew you were going to come with me,” Fili said accusingly.

Kili smirked at him.  “You’re also not the only one who can keep secrets.  Now sleep.”

Fili grunted and rolled away, ignoring his brother’s protests.  “No sleeping yet,” he said, peeling off his soiled breeches and under things.  “You have to get cleaned up and explain why you’re coming with me when you’re still so angry.”

Kili sighed and arched his back in a long stretch.  “You’re not going to let me sleep until I tell you, are you?” he asked.  Fili prodded him.  “Fine!”  Kili rolled over and pushed himself up, shoving his breeches down and off in the same movement.  Fili glanced away, feeling suddenly shy.  He didn’t miss Kili’s snort, and chose to ignore it.  He didn’t feel like he deserved to look at Kili right now.

“Fili…”  Kili’s arms wrapped around him from behind, squeezing him back into his body.  “I’m mad at you for holding things back from me, and we’ll need to talk about it more eventually, but no matter what happens being with you is so much better than being alone.”

Fili craned his neck to look at his brother, and met a kiss pressed to his cheek.  “And yes I do know that.  I already had to go through five years without you, thinking I may never be with you again, not like we were.  And now we have a chance at that, and there’s no way I’m letting it get away.”

It took some wriggling, but Fili managed to turn in his brother’s grip and slip his arms around Kili’s waist to hold on tight.  And now, with his brother in his arms and the knowledge that they didn’t have to hide anymore, he felt more seamlessly complete than he had in half a decade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way I'm definitely not abandoning this fic, not now and not ever. It's my baby, and there's a long way for them to go yet. Updates might take a while when I'm feeling uninspired, but it will not go unfinished.

**Author's Note:**

> The rating WILL be going up in future chapters, to mature and then explicit. Yes there's basically gratuitous porn happening.  
> Also warning right now for book spoilers because I'll probably forget to when they actually happen.


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